#Fallen44

Another sad news from the Philippines.

Picture taken from the internet (credits to the owner)

The whole Filipino nation is mourning right now for the 44 SAF police commandos who were killed in a clash with Moro rebels in Mamasapano, Maguindanao last January 25, 2015.

I couldn't imagine the pain that the families of these fallen heroes are going through. I used to work for the Armed Forces of the Philippines Educational Benefit System Office (AFP EBSO), an office that gives scholarships to children of soldiers who died in action, hence I've met a lot of widows and children who were struggling just to make ends meet because their breadwinners were taken away from them. Their stories were heart breaking. I hope The government gives to the families of these deceased policemen all the benefits that are due them.

Justice for Fallen 44.

Regrets

We were at Walmart (Windemere) last night and I wasn't able to resist this picture frame. I've always wanted a frame for Nathan where I can put his first 12 months pictures pero kahapon lang ako nakakita ng gusto ko. I got so excited!

Then it hit me... parang wala akong maayos na one month picture ni Nathan na magandang ilagay sa frame! Still, i bought it. Magka-crop na lang ako ng picture.

Then at the Baby Section, I saw a set of monthly birthday stickers similar to this:

Picture taken from the internet (credits to the owner)

I wanted to cry that very moment. Bakit noon lang ako nakakita ng ganun sa Walmart? Palagi kami sa Walmart when I was pregnant and we bought most of our baby things there, how come na-miss ko ang stickers na ganito?

I also remembered that the other night, I saw a picture on Instagram na parang ganito. A very good monthly pictorial idea for a baby. Nalungkot din ako kasi nga hindi ko na magagawa ito for Nathan. Late na.

Picture taken from the internet (credits to the owner)

I've only been a mother for 11 weeks and I am already filled with regrets. Feeling ko ang dami kong hindi nagawa for my baby at sa pregnancy ko.

• I had very few preggy pictures.
• We never had a good "family" picture when I was pregnant.
• I didn't have a maternity shoot.
• I wasn't able to document my pregnancy, especially the earlier stages.
• I didn't have a baby shower.
• I didn't buy baby keepsakes like baby memory book, casting kits, frames, and milestone stickers.
• I didn't have a nice picture with the newborn Nathan.
• Nathan didn't have a newborn studio pictorial.
• I wasn't able to take videos of Nathan when we were still at the hospital.
• I wasn't able to conceptualize a good monthly birthday pictures for Nathan.

I don't want to blame myself entirely though. Some things were beyond my control. I had a very difficult first trimester so I wasn't able to blog for several months (that was my idea of documentation). I stayed mostly at the house so I never felt the need to buy nice but expensive maternity clothes and have my pictures taken. I didn't have a baby shower because no one here in Edmonton will throw me one. And because I quit working, I didn't have my own money to spend on some pregnancy whims like maternity shoots and baby keepsakes. My husband naman is clueless about those things kaya nahihiya akong masyadong gumastos. We've already spent a lot on the baby's basic needs eh.

But sige, now I will admit that when I was still pregnant, I was so afraid of buying so much for the baby for the fear of "jinx." I remember that when my friend Mels was pregnant with her second child, she told me that she didn't want to post so much on Facebook about her pregnancy because something might happen to the baby. I felt the same way. Ayokong magpaka-OA agad when it comes to Chicklet. I was so praning talaga that time.

I kept on telling myself that had I been in the Philippines during my pregnancy, I would have enjoyed it so much. I can buy everything I want, have my pictures taken every day, experience a baby shower, have somebody else to take Nathan's pictures and videos after I gave birth, etc. My mistake is not contextualizing my pregnancy here in Edmonton. I should have planned and acted based on our current situation.

Hay, regrets regrets. But I guess I've learned my lessons now. My son is already 2 1/2 months old and I realized that I couldn't bring back time. Sadly, I can no longer take a good picture of his one-month self. I realized that I am dealing with a human being now, hindi ko puwedeng i-delay ang mga puwede kong gawin. I need to plan ahead. And I have to enjoy my every moment with him kasi hindi siya bata forever. I am lucky because I am given the chance to be with him 24/7. I should be grateful.

Kung ako ang masusunod, si Nathan na siguro ang only baby ko. But if we'll be gifted with another bundle of joy, alam ko na ang gagawin ko.

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Nathan Anak, I am so sorry for all my shortcomings. I know that I am not that bad in terms of mothering you but I feel that I could do more, could have done more. I am not sure what will you like or be like in the future that is why I want to do everything for you now, para akong regrets kung sakali. Promise, mommy will make it up to you.

Mommy-look-alike

For the first time, sinuotan ni Ford si Nathan ng ganito.

Mukha raw babae, sabi niya.

I took some pictures and when I am browsing them, I suddenly realized that my soon looks 'familiar.' I checked on my FB account and searched for my old picture.

Hala, ako nga ang kamukha ni Nathan! That picture was taken on my first birthday.

I honestly never expected na 'matapang' ang dugo ko. All along, I thought my son would 100% look like his dad - both in face and color. But it turned out na kakulay ko siya! He has some of his dad's features (i.e. chubby cheeks, nose holes) and many people tell us that they are look-alike. Pero sa tingin talaga namin ni Pod, mas ako ang kamukha niya.

Oh well, it doesn't really matter. Pero nakakatuwa rin pala magkaroon ng mini-me hahaha! =)

Nathan @ 2 Months

Thirteen is my new favorite number. And I am so excited to welcome the 13th day of every month because that means another 'birthday' celebration for Nathan!

January 13, 2015. As usual, it was just another party for three. But I told Mylene and Cecil that we'll invite them some time in summer for Nathan's monthly birthday. We just couldn't do that now because it's winter and our house is a big mess. I am also still recovering (yeah, I am taking it soooo slow) and I can't host a party yet.

My two-month old looks so big na on this picture noh? I myself was shocked! It's only been two months but he doesn't look that baby anymore! In fact, he already wore the Baby Mickey shirt which we thought he would wear this summer pa or when we go home in Pinas. It was his first time to wear a t-shirt and he looked so cute!

Anyway, what excites me the most about this day was the cake of course! I think I did pretty well on his first month cake so I have to live with the expectations haha!

But since Ford and I aren't really into eating cakes (in fact, ni hindi nga namin natikman yung first cake), I thought of buying just a slice. Sa Safeway kami nakabili for only $3.

I wasn't able to find a nice cake topper so I just asked Ford to have Nathan's picture printed in their office. I posted it on a card board para matigas saka ko itinusok sa cake. The result is this:

Simple yet 'personalized.' I want my son to know later on that in my own little ways, I tried to make things special for him.

This is the close-up look pala of the picture on the cake. My son's so adorable! #biasedmom

Since Nathan's second month fell on a Tuesday (and we just had buffet dinner the day before for our 3rd wedding anniversary), I just asked Ford to buy pancit palabok and crispy pata at Manila Grill Express. Nagustuhan kasi namin yun the last time we went there. The pork giniling was cooked by yours truly.

Almost all of our plates are Corelle and I've grown tired of them. I wanted something colorful plating for my baby's handa but expensive dinner wares are not on the budget yet. Thankfully, I found some cheap stoneware plates and bowls and glasses at Dollar Tree! Ayan, pati sa table setting ay excited na rin ako!

More than the superficiality of celebrating a monthly birthday, Ford and I are really grateful that our son is growing well. Health wise, we never had any major 'concern' for him. He seems happy and healthy.

I noticed that he started smiling a lot and 'interacting' with us when he was just five weeks old (December 23 to be exact, thanks to my hobby of taking pictures and documenting Nathan's every move!). We were impressed. Physically, he's quite a big boy with nice flawless skin, chubby body, and adorable little face. A lot of people were telling us that he doesn't look like two months only. He can even hold his head steady na. We are very very proud of him!

Thank you for being such a good boy, anak! Keep it up! We are so looking forward to your 3rd month birthday! We love you!

A book for Chicklet

I felt so excited when the nurse at West Jasper Place Public Health Center (where Nathan got vaccinated last January 22) handed me this bag containing a book, a cd, and some library information for Nathan. This is what I love about having a child here in Canada, alagang-alaga talaga ng gobyerno. Ang suwerte ng mga bata dito!

Ooops, I realized that I haven't really bought any book yet for Chicklet. I would have to start buying soon. I am currently a stay-at-home mom so I do not have any excuse to not teach my son well. I was an educator once upon a time, actually. Sa college students nga lang. I know that teaching a child is different but I promise to do my best. I love my son and I will make him a smart boy.

I told Ford that we should pay a visit to the library soon. I've been here in Edmonton for almost 1 year and 3 months now but I haven't been to one. I love reading, but I admit that in the last couple of years I don't get to read a lot of books anymore. I still read a lot -- sa internet nga lang. So I guess if I want to instill the love of reading to Nathan, kailangang magbasa din uli ako ng libro.

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It was my first time to see an actual public last January 16 at Mill Woods Town Centre. I was surprised that it was located in a 'mall.' Kung wala siguro akong anak, madalas akong tatambay dun.

Nathan's 2nd Check-up

It was Nathan's second check-up with his pediatrician yesterday (January 26, 2015). Our appointment was at 9am so we were already at the parking of Misericordia Community Hospital at around 8:35pm. Thankfully, the weather was still "good" (approximately -2 degrees). It's really hard to bring the baby out when it's too cold and/or snowing.

It was still early but the parking lot near was already near full. I saw this sign and told Ford to park there. He was hesistant and we 'debated' for a moment:

FORD -- Pang-expectant mothers lang yan oh!
CES -- Haler, nakita mo naman may picture ng dalawang bata! Pwede yan sa may baby.
FORD -- Eh expectant mothers nga lang ang nakalagay.
CES -- Sus, eh di sasabihin ko buntis ako! Saka haler, wala namang security guard na sisita noh!

Yep, unlike in the Philippines, there are no roaming security guards here in Edmonton/Canada. People act on the virtue of trust. Imagine yourself paying the parking fees all by yourself, without any one checking if your declared time of stay at the parking lot is true or not?

After paying $4 for a one-hour stay, Pod put the ticket on the car's dashboard. Para sa random checking daw. Pero parang wala pa akong nabalitaang Security na nag-check haha!

Anyway, back to Nathan's check-up.

We were called by the nurse just a few minutes after the receptionist has checked us in. Since it was already our second time there, we already knew what to do. We have to undress Nathan because his whole body will be 'scrutinized' by the doctor.

Whenever we are out, it's Ford who is in charge of Nathan. He's the one carrying him, feeding him, changing his nappies, and dressing/undressing him. And my role is just to take pictures, lol!

The nurse first weighed Nathan. He is now almost 6 kilos! Big boy daw. I am so happy! I am relatively 'big' woman and I of course want my baby to be big too!

After weighing, his height was measured. Whew, almost 60cm already! Ford is only 5'9 and I am hoping that our son gets taller than he is. Kahit kasing tangkad lang ng mga brothers namin na around 5'11.

Nathan has a big head as well. His head circumference as of yesterday is 40cm.

After the routine weighing and questioning of the nurse (like how much milk we are feeding him now, or if we have other concerns for the baby, etc.), we were directed to a room where we will wait for the doctor.

Ito ang practice dito. The doctor doesn't have his 'own' room where he solely checks his patients. In a clinic, maraming rooms at doon pinapupunta ang mga pasyente para antayin ang mga doktor. Each room is complete, may mga exam bed, chairs and tables, lavatory, hand sanitizer, tissue, etc.

Just like Nathan's first check-up, the doctor was late again. He came at around 9:40am na yata. Haha, we were worried about the parking. We only paid for an hour. Oh well, kasalanan naman ng doctor noh.

If we choose another doctor/clinic, hindi na kami magbabayad ng parking. But then I like Nathan's pediatrician na. He was assigned to us before we left the hospital (noong nanganak ako) and I kinda like him. Aside from being a specialist, he really checks on the baby thoroughly eh.

The doctor confirmed that Nathan is indeed a big boy. He just talked fast (with an Indian accent) so I didn't get everything that he said. Pero may minention siya that Nathan belong to the 70-75th percentile sa weight o height.

He asked us if we have any special concerns on the baby. To be honest, wala naman. He is feeding well and has not been sick. He was also immunized last Thursday (January 22) and so far wala namang side effect.

The doctor then proceeded on 'inspecting' Nathan's body. Meron siyang kasamang residente kaya iyon ang kinakausap niya at hindi kami. We felt relieved every time he would say "normal" (pronounced as 'nermal' haha!) sa bawat body part ni Nathan na tinitingnan niya. Nakakatensyon talaga pag check-up ng anak mo, feeling mo mahihimatay ka kapag may hindi magandang mapapansin ang doktor.

We were so thankful when the doctor finally told us that everything is fine and that he has no concern for Nathan at this time. Our next appointment with him is after two months na (on March 19).

Ford and I are so happy. Our son is in good health and is growing normally. Keep it up, Nathan! We love you and we are so proud of you!

New iPhone for Peechur Peechur

It all happened so fast. I am now a proud owner of  iPhone 6 plus!

Ford 'fell' in the snow a couple of days ago which resulted to the broken screen of his one-year-old Nexus (because it was on his pocket). Having it fixed is not an option really because it would cost a lot, probably $200.

He has long been telling me that he wants an iPhone. You see, my husband gets tired of gadgets so easily. And now he's got an excuse to get a new one.

But a good father and hubby that he is, he just let me have the new iPhone. He said it's me who needs it more because of Nathan. So that I can take better pictures of our son. He insisted on just using my Moto G phone.

January 24, 2015 (WEM)

I actually do not need an iPhone 6 yet. My iPhone 5 is still quite reliable in taking photos. I bought that iPhone six months before I migrated to Canada but I wasn't able to use it here. It's not compatible daw with their system, even though it's open line (that is why I advise people who are coming here to just get a new phone unit here, wag ng magdala). I ended up having the 'cheap' Moto G for my mobile services kasi sayang naman kung dalawa pa ang iPhone ko. I used my iPhone 5 na lang solely for taking pictures, instagramming, and surfing.

I am contented with the quality of photos that iPhone 5 brings and I am not even tempted to replace it yet. But who am I to refuse an iPhone 6 plus? Hahaha!

I am not a techie person. Hindi ko namamaximize ang features ng iPhone sa totoo lang. I don't even play games. Pero susulitin ko talaga sa pag-peechur peechur kay Nathan! =)

By the way, I'll still use my iPhone 5 syempre. Saka iyon din ang gagamitin kong phone pag-uwi sa Pilipinas.

Nathan's first shots

As per the nurse's instruction, I booked Nathan's first immunization last November 19, 2014 pa. Ang unang bakuna pala dito ay ginagawa on the baby's second month. We were scheduled to come to the Public Health Center on January 22, 2015.

Hindi lang si Chicklet and babakunahan. According to Nurse Cindy (who visited me at home after I gave birth), I also need to get vaccinated because they found out daw in one of my blood tests (done during pregnancy) that I am not immune to "something." Sorry, I couldn't remember anymore the exact term. Even Ford needs some vaccination, too. I really appreciate their concern for our health. Ang ganda talaga ng health care system dito sa Canada.

January 22, 2015 (Thursday). I feel bad whenever I/we have to go to the doctor/clinic/hospital on weekdays because Ford has to either be late or leave the office early to accompany us. Nathan and I are so immobile without him. I am worried na baka mapagalitan siya sa work o mapagsabihan na abusado. Although I know na hindi naman (their office can't afford to lose him and he is being paid on a fixed monthly income, not hourly), I still wish na sana hindi na namin siya maistorbo. Kaso wala namang choice. We need a car and a driver to move around Edmonton. I've been assured din naman na "normal" lang dito sa Canada ang pag-absent o pag-undertime when it comes to health concerns. In the first place, by appointment system ang lahat. May mga schedules na hindi pwede sa weekend o gabi, halimbawa.

Anyway, Ford' home a few minutes before 4pm to pick us up. Our schedule is at 5:00 pm but we have to be there at 4:45 pm for the baby's weighing.

Ford said we could leave a bit later since malapit lang naman ang clinic. I insisted na umalis na kami agad because I do not want to be late. Ayokong mag-penalty at ayokong magpa-reschedule na naman.

True enough, the West Jasper Place Public Health Centre is just about 10 minutes from our house. We were there at around 4:20 pm. I am getting used to this, 10 to 15 minutes travel time. In the Philippines, we usually allot an hour or two papunta sa destination namin kahit malapit lang kasi sobrang traffic. A lot of time wasted on the road.

And because we were there "early" (but not that early naman in my standards), the receptionist told me: "But you know that the nurse can only get to you at 5:00pm, right?" Haha, time is so precious here!

We first had Nathan weighed. His weight as of last Thursday was 12 lbs 13 oz 9 (or 5.82 kgs) and height was 59 cm.  His head circumference was 40 cm.

We had to wait for a few more minutes before we were called in. Nagutom na si Nathan, Daddy Pod had to fed him. I am so proud of my husband, he is a hands-on dad. Very patient to his son.

Soon we were inside one of the rooms in the Clinic. It wasn't just a simple turok-agad session. The nurse asked me how we are. She gave us some "lectures" again on taking care of the baby. She explained to us all the vaccines that will be given to us. She also handed me a thick book on parenting (from Alberta Health Services) and a "Welcome Baby" Package from Edmonton Public Library.  Nakakatuwa talaga dito sa Canada, first world treatment talaga ang natatanggap ng citizens and residents. Sulit talaga ang taxes na binabayaran.

I had to take a picture of this chart. I need to know how my son's development is faring.

The nurse asked me if I want to get the flu shot as well. I refused, sabi ko sa susunod na lang. Two shots are enough for a day. I was surprised though that my husband agreed. Eh isa pang duwag yun. Para isang puntahan na lang daw. He was trying to convince me but I was scared. I've heard of people getting "sick" after having flu shots. We cannot afford to both get sick, kawawa si Nathan.

I was the first to get vaccinated. Despite my horrible and painful experiences in pregnancy and child birth, I was still scared. Kung tutuusin ay sisiw na lang yung sa pinagdaanan ko haha! The nurse was very kind, she made me feel comfortable.

After Ford got his three shots, it was Nathan's turn. I was so scared. It was Ford who handled him. Deep inside, I was crying. A baby doesn't deserve any pain. But it's for his good naman.

The little boy cried so hard, to the heartbreak of his mother. Three injections pa ang ginawa. If only I could take the pain for him. Ganun pala talaga ang nanay.

Buti na lang he got easily pacified by the chime. We mentally took note of that. Kailangan pala ng tunog-tunog para ma-pacify ang baby.

I didn't know that children are getting their shots on their legs. My poor little boy was so red.

We were told by the nurse to wait in the lounge for fifteen minutes to see if we experience immediate side effects from our shots. Thankfully, wala naman.

Before I forget, the nurse noticed that our car seat has a 'wrapped' blanket. She reminded us that we can get a 'ticket' for that kapag nakita kami ng police (ganun pala dito, naniniket ang pulis kahit tungkol sa car seat). Dapat daw walang ibang sapin sa likod ang car seat because it isn't tested for safety yet. Ewan nga daw ba niya kung bakit may nagbebenta pa ng ganun gayung bawal naman.

We find it weird though because the nurse at the Misericordia Hospital who inspected our car seat before we were allowed to go home didn't say anything naman. Oh well, sinunod na lang namin ang nurse sa Jasper. We removed na the blanket. Kailangan nga lang next time ay may jacket na si Nathan kapag nilabas namin.

Our next immunization is scheduled on March 19. Yep, may take two pa ang measles-mumps-rubella vaccination namin ni Ford.

Nathan's Record:

Ford and I's record:

I guess it will be best if we don't travel before Nathan gets all the shots. My original plan is to go home in Pinas this end of March but I realized na importanteng matapos muna lahat ng bakuna ni Nathan (hanggang six months old siya). Alanganin kung sa Pilipinas ko pa ipapatuloy ang bakuna, aside from mahal (I don't want to pay for health services anymore haha!), iba rin kasi ang sistema ng immunization doon. Baka magulo lang.

Four cards

We only received four Christmas cards this year. They are from Mels, Raxie, Ate June, and a client of Ford's firm.

I know that it's not good to expect but I was really wishing we'd receive a bit more. When you're living in a faraway winter wonderland, a greeting card is the only tangible gift that you can receive from your loved ones.

This is another reason why I am already discouraged to send cards. Maybe people really are not into cards anymore. Perhaps they don't appreciate it as much as I do. Mailing cards is probably just a waste of time, energy, and money.

I don't know what will my feelings be next year. Let's see.

Christmas Cards 2014

I am so fond of all those personalized greeting cards. Mahilig talaga sako sa anything personalized eh. That is why when I finally had a child, ang sabi ko sa sarili ko: "Yehey, makakapagpa-print nako ng Christmas cards!" Uso kasi yun dito sa North America.

But since I just gave birth last November 13, I ran out of time for it. In the first place, Nathan was too young for a studio photo shoot. We had to send the cards on the last week of November kasi para umabot sa Pilipinas. Winter na rin kaya mahirap siyang ilabas. Also, I had a c-section so imposible rin talaga na makalabas ako agad. So I decided na ako na lang ang kukuha ng picture then I'll have it printed.

Nathan was only 12 days old when we took this picture on November 25, 2014. He was not in the mood obviously. We had him wear the Christmas onesie that was given by Ate Celina. We were surprised kasi halos maliit na sa kanya. Newborn ang size kasi.

At 12 days, the little boy still wasn't smiling much. After hundreds of shots, I gave up (and I was still in so much pain that time). I just settled for this one.

I asked Pod to have it printed at Costco. Twenty-five copies at $0.29 each.

I was just disappointed because the red border was cut in printing.

I bought a pack of cards at Walmart. It's so cheap, 40 pieces for only $6! It's not that 'grand,' but nice enough (with matching glitters!). It's also light weight so minimal lang ang postage fee.

I taped the picture inside the card. Thankfully, sakto ang size.

Writing on the cards was a struggle. I couldn't sit straight yet then. But I had to do what I had to do. I wrote very short and generic messages.

The fun part though was writing this...

Yehey, tatlo na kami!

By the way, I sent a different card for our parents - Mamoosh and Daddy Jaime/Mama Elsie. I bought these cards in 2013 pa at Dollarama haha!

We were able to mail the second batch of cards nga pala a week before Christmas. We sent a total of 23 cards, I think.

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I really enjoyed sending the cards. Especially when we started receiving sweet messages of thanks from the receivers.

But sadly, only 8 among the 23 acknowledged that they received their respective cards. Honestly, I am already discouraged in sending cards next year. Baka sa Facebook na lang ako babati hehe.