Philippine Election 2019

May 13, 2019. Nathan and I accompanied Lola to the nearby elementary school to vote. Ako lang sana ang sasama pero nagising ng maaga ang bagets kaya nagdrama na ayaw daw niyang maiwan sa bahay.

We started walking (toward school) past 7am. Ang init na grabe. Mamoosh said na kung medyo tinanghali pa akong nakaligo eh hindi na siya boboto kasi sobrang init na nga. Pero syempre kahit na hindi ko talaga forte ang gumising ng maaga eh nag-insist ako na samahan siya, para nga maengganyo siya lalong bumoto at makapag-observe observe na rin ako. Matagal-tagal na rin kasi akong hindi nakakaboto. Last year nagkaroon ng barangay election (I was also here in Pinas) at pwedeng-pwede pa sana akong bumoto kaso hindi na lang. Wala rin naman kasi akong/kaming kilala ni isa sa mga kandidato so useless lang kasi talagang manghuhula lang ako/kami.

Hindi pa gaanong maraming tao nang dumating kami at around 7:30am. Kaso hindi pa ready yung table kung saan mo puwedeng itanong kung saan ang presinto mo so I did a room-to-room check. May mga nakapost naman na list sa may pinto ng classrooms.

And as expected, nasa listahan pa ako. Gosh, I was so tempted to vote! I felt that my country needs my vote now more than ever. Pero siyempre hindi ko ginawa kasi nga Canadian citizen na ako. I just hoped na wala sanang ibang gumamit ng balotang para sa akin.

Walang masyadong tao sa labas, yun pala nasa loob na ng classrooms at naga-antay na makaboto. As in punung-puno na ang mga presinto. I felt bad for those people kasi nga sobrang init na at siguradong tatanghaliin na sila doon. We were lucky because Mamoosh is a senior citizen. May priority line for the oldies kaya medyo napabilis. Medyo nag-antay pa rin siya ng 25 minutes bago nakaboto.

It was Nathan's first time to step in a Philippine school, aliw na aliw siya. Ibang-iba nga kasi ang schools dito kumpara sa Canada.

Mamoosh was done voting at around 8:10am. I was happy na nandito kami ngayon sa Pinas kasi nga nasamahan namin siya. I will feel bad kung mag-isa lang siyang boboto o hindi siya boboto.

Post-Election Thoughts

Three hours pa lang after matapos ang botohan eh alam ko na na wala sa mga binoto ni Mamoosh ang papasok sa Magic 12. I actually gave her a list of who to vote kasi hiningan niya ako. I was so disheartened. Middle-class sentiment, I know. I felt bad for our country, feared for the future of our younger generations. I've never been this so disappointed in politics sa totoo lang.

Admittedly, ang unang pumasok sa utak ko nang una kong makita ang partial result for senators ay: "Syet, buti na lang Canadian na kami!" There was a part of me na relieved kasi kung tutuusin, hindi na kami makakasama sa sinking ship that is the Philippines. Pero syempre hindi naman ako talaga selfish. Kung maayos man ang kinalalagyan ko ngayong bansa, gusto ko rin na maayos ang bansang pinagmulan ko at kinalalagyan ng pamilya at mga kaibigan ko. Kaya nga sobra-sobrang ang pagkadismaya ko sa resulta ng eleksyong ito eh.

Eighty percent of Filipinos belong to the lower class. Nakakalungkot kasi hanggang may mga Pilipinong kapos sa pinag-aralan, may boboto at boboto sa kandidatong gwapo lang (kahit na magnanakaw). Hanggang may Pilipinong kumakalam ang sikmura, may boboto sa kandidatong namimili ng boto sa halagang limang daan. Iyan nga siguro ang "resbak" ng mahihirap sa minorya ng Pilipinong medyo nakaangat sa buhay at antas ng edukasyon.

Sa totoo lang, hindi ko na alam ang gagawin sa Pinas. Nawawalan na ako ng pag-asa. SINKING SHIP -- yan na talaga ang tingin ko. Sana lang talaga mali ako.

Goodbye, Auntie Nen. =(

Ford's 88-year-old aunt passed away yesterday (June 19, 2018 - Philippine time). She recently had a pacemaker insertion and we thought she'll be ok na. Kaso dahil medyo may edad na talaga, marami na ring ibang sakit ang dumapo sa kanya.

Auntie Nen is so special to my husband. She acted like his second mother when he was growing up kasi nga kasama nila sa bahay. She was his math teacher and mentor. Siya nga raw ang favorite among the nephews and nieces.

December 2016

If there's one thing I regret, it's that Nathan and I weren't able to visit her during our 5-month stay in Pinas. She was looking for Nathan daw. Kaso they live in Luna, La Union and I don't go there without Ford kasi nga ang layo. Hindi ko kayang dalhin ang bata doon mag-isa. Wala na rin kasing tao masyado sa probinsya, my immediate family-in-law are all based abroad. Kaya walang maga-aasikaso sa amin doon, given na may sakit na nga si Auntie Nen. Siya na lang kasi ang naiwan mag-isa sa ancestral house nila (with some helpers, of course).

Sayang nga, she passed away just merely 10-days after namin umalis ng Pinas. Sana nandoon kami to pay our last respects.

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Anyway, my husband is in a dilemma. Uuwi ba siya ng Pilipinas o hindi? There's a part of him na gustong-gustong umuwi (lalo na at tinawag ang name niya bago mamatay nang makita pa namin sa Facetime), pero given our current situation, parang hindi feasible. Ang daming dapat i-consider eh:

BUDGET -- Ang mahal ng plane ticket na mabilisan. Mahina ang Ca$1,600 (o Php65,000) kung uuwi siya. Idagdag pa ang additional expenses like airport parking (for at least a week), expenses sa Pinas, contribution sa hospital bills and burial, etc. Aabutin siguro ng around Ca$3,000 (Php120,000). To be honest, dati madali lang sa aming gastusin ang ganyang amount. Pero dahil kabibili lang namin ng bahay at maraming naka-ambang gastos sa mgas susunod na buwan, malaki na iyon. Sobrang bigat, actually.

VACATION LEAVE -- Isa pa ito sa major concern kapag kailangang umuwi ng Pinas agad-agad -- may leave credits ka pa ba at/o papayagan ka ba ng boss/company mo? Sa case ni Ford, madali lang para sa kanya ang magpaalam (yung mga bosses na yata niya ang pinaka-compassionate employers sa mundo) pero he was alloting sana all his remaining leaves sa paglipat namin sa bahay. Medyo matagal din kasi maghakot at magsettle sa new house kaya kailangan niya umabsent ng matagal-tagal kasi wala naman kaming ibang aasahang tutulong sa amin. With a very clingy toddler, malamang siya lang ang gagawa ng bulk ng trabaho by that time.

By the way, may 3-day bereavement leave dito sa Canada pero it only applies to deaths of immediate family members eh.

LONG AND TIRING TRAVEL TIME -- We need at least 24-hours para makauwi sa Pinas (including na yung commuting time to/from airport, waiting times, plane rides, layovers, etc.). Mas matagal pa ang kakailanganin niya since sa La Union siya uuwi at malamang walang susundo sa kanya kasi nga nasa probinsya na lahat ng tao. So we're seeing na 3-4 whole days lang siya sa Pinas tapos babalik na sa Canada. Tapos back to work na rin agad. Talagang parusa sa katawan yun.

SOME FAMILY CONCERNS -- I am actually hesistant na payagan siyang umuwi kasi natatakot ako maiwan dito mag-isa with Nathan. I am useless here, if something happens, matutulala lang ako. I also feel so alone here, pakiramdam ko wala akong ibang maaasahan in case of emergency. Buti sana kung nasa Edmonton pa kami at maraming kaibigan. Saka physically, hindi ko kaya si Nathan mag-isa ng 24/7. By body is too weak at mentally, nakakabaliw kapag kaming dalawa lang. Kaya sobrang takot din ang asawa ko na iwan kami (haha) kasi kawawa daw ang anak niya dahil baka masigawan ko lang pag na-stress ako.

Pero dahil ayokong maging KJ, I told Ford that he could go. I told him that the decision is up to him. Tingin ko gusto nya rin umuwi dahil uuwi ang parents at sister niya from California. Yung brother niya from Qatar, nagpa-plano rin. Ang sabi ko lang sa kanya, timbangin niya nang maayos. Wag kakong magpa-peer pressure (lol) kasi iba-iba naman ang circumstances ng mga tao.

His grandmother passed away in May (2014) and he was able to decide to go home kaagad kasi nga madali that time. I was pregnant with Nathan that time at thankfully nasa second trimester na kaya I was feeling better. Tapos nasa Edmonton pa kami noon, marami kaming kaibigan na matatakbuhan. Wala ring problema sa budget kasi talagang settled na kami that time with a house na hindi kasing laki ang mortgage ng tulad ng magiging mortgage namin dito sa BC.

Hay, ito talaga ang isang malungkot when you are living abroad. Hindi ka basta-basta makakauwi kung may mga ganitong pangyayari. Naexperience ko na ito when my grandfather naman died in October 2014. I wasn't able to go home kasi nga manganganak na ako.

Anyway, whatever the husband decides, alam ko naman na maiintindihan yun ni Auntie Nen.

"Me" Room and House-Hunting

Ahhhh, how I miss my "Me" room! Right now, I am still trying to reconcile myself with the fact that I'd probably won't have my own space anymore in Canada.

This was my special place in our previous townhome in Edmonton.

There's a new townhouse development in Aldergrove and my husband has an appointment to view the sample units on March 4. He registered on their website a couple of weeks back and eventually received a notice that phase 1 homes are already ready for selling.

You see, the prices of new townhomes and condos in Metro Vancouver have soared so high that ordinary residents like us can no longer afford them. Hence, Ford suggested that we try to look farther. That's when the idea of living in Aldergove came in.

Medyo malayo na yung place (trivia: the Kent farm in the TV series Smallville is a working farm in Aldergrove), mga 35 minutes to Surrey and about an hour to downtown Vancouver. Boundary na rin ito ng BC at Washington, US. To be honest, ayoko talagang tumira doon. I don't drive in Canada yet so feeling ko maa-isolate ako, but this is our last shot in owning a brand new townhouse in BC. If not, we'll end up in small-sized condos or 30-40+ year-old townhomes in Metro Vancouver. As I have mentioned on this post, my husband wants a "new" home. Hangga't maari, ayaw niya talaga ng luma. Kung sabagay, mahirap bumili ng old townhomes kasi kahit na sabihing renovated, wala na rin yun value later on. Lugi lang kami.

Pero kung kelan naman ok na sa akin na tumira doon, saka naman parang naging imposible. Among the 30+ units that will be sold, dalawa lang ang kasya sa budget namin. Two-bedroom lang yun ha. My husband is scheduled on the second day of viewing (at sa bandang hapon pa) so I am not expecting na maaabutan pa niya. Yes, parang hot pandesal lang ang peg ng pagbili ng bahay dito. The prospective buyer has to make up his/her mind the very moment na ma-view niya yung units and issue a check for reservation. Unahan talaga. Ready na rin ang units for turnover by April kaya mabilisan na.

Sabi ng asawa ko, "kung para sa atin talaga yun eh makukuha natin." I agree, kaso nalulungkot pa rin ako. I want to move na and really start anew. Ayoko ng magtagal sa current apartment namin. For sure, hindi na rin namin magiging option na antayin ang ibang phases 2-4 ng townhomes kasi tiyak tataas na ang presyo dahil sa demand. Hay, to give you an idea, halos doble ng halaga ng dating bahay namin yung target namin ngayon.  Two-bedroom lang yun ha.

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So there, imposible na nga akong magkaroon ng panibagong "Me" room. I'd probably set up an area na lang in our future bedroom for my stationery/arts and crafts stuff.

Pero sige, ok lang. I just want to have my own house again.

Senti

We were in UP Town Center yesterday to meet up with my girls (i.e. my college barkada and my core group).

We went to Daiso to Daiso after coffee. I finished shopping first so I waited (together with Michelle) for my other friends to finish theirs. I looked around and observed. Oh how I love this mall. Too bad it was built right after I migrated to Canada.

Then sadness suddenly engulfed me. I told Michelle: "Nakakalungkot din. Dati taga-dito ako, ito ang mundo ko. Ngayon nagbabakasyon na lang ako sa Pinas, limited lang ang oras ko."

 Ewan ko ba, na-senti talaga ako.

#BuhayImmigrant

Two Years Ago in Edmonton (Part 2)

Sa una biru-biruan lang: "Tara lipat na tayo sa BC! Malapit ang Jollibee doon!" But on April 2016, we found ourselves talking to a realtor. On the first week of May, for sale na ang house namin.

I've always wanted to live in (Metro) Vancouver. When I first visited Canada in 2012, dumalaw kami sa Tita ko sa Surrey at nagandahan ako sa place. Hindi gaanong malamig (bihirang mag-snow) saka ang daming pwedeng gawin at pasyalan, hindi kagaya ng Deadmonton. Tapos cross border ka lang, Washington na. May Seafood City doon at Jollibee, Red Ribbon, at Chowking. Isa pa, mayroon nga akong Tita doon (na sobrang ka-close ko dati) kaya talagang na-engganyo ako.

Pero syempre hindi kami pwedeng lumipat noon kasi settled na si Ford sa Edmonton. May magandang trabaho siya, may bahay na kami, at may malalapit na kaibigan na rin. At mahirap din kasing iwan talaga ang Alberta kasi nga mataas ang sweldo doon (prior to recession) kasi nga mayaman ang probinsya. Tapos 5% lang ang sales tax  (sa BC ay 12%) kaya mas mura ang cost of living.

Pero by April, we realized that we had to leave Edmonton already. We already knew for a fact na matatagalan pa bago maka-recover ang Alberta. Ford's employment insurance will only last until February 2017. Sure, we could get by later on kung maghahanap muna siya ng kahit anong odd job tapos tuloy ang work ko, pero we had to consider his career. Hindi siya pwedeng ma-stagnate nang matagal. Yung ex-officemate niya na nalay-off din, nagrelocate na sa Ontario and found a job there.

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It took a while bago nabili yung house. Again, recession. Sino ang bibili ng bahay sa mga panahong iyon? Medyo skeptic nga ako eh, pero sige lang, wala namang bayad sa realtor. Magkakaroon lang siya ng commission kapag naibenta na niya.

At dahil matagal nga inabot, medyo naipit din ang job-hunting ni Ford. He couldn't apply in Vancouver kasi nga paano ang bahay kung hindi pa naibebenta? Hindi naman namin pwedeng iwan syempre. Hindi rin naman pwedeng mauna siya sa Vancouver, paano naman kami ni Nathan sa Edmonton? Ni hindi ako nagda-drive doon. So we had no choice but to wait.

My cousin in Toronto once asked me, "Buti hindi umiinit ang ulo ni Ford? Buti hindi siya nai-insecure na ikaw muna ang nagtatrabaho?"

Actually hindi naman. Hindi talaga. Una, mas malaki pa nga ang nakukuha niya sa insurance kesa sa sinusweldo ko noh. So mas malaki pa rin ang share niya sa household expenses namin haha. Pangalawa, mataas talaga ang EQ niya. He knew na temporary lang naman ang sitwasyon, that everything will be back to normal once na nakarelocate kami at nakahanap na uli siya ng work. At pangatlo, I would like to believe na hindi ko naman kasi siya dinown during those times. It wasn't his fault na nawalan siya ng trabaho, usaping ekonomiya yan. I reminded him that when he was earning well, he's been so good and generous to me. Kaya walang rason para maliitin ko siya sa puntong iyon ng buhay niya.

Pero minsan nang sabihin ko na pagod na ako (physically tired), he said: "Sana magkatrabaho na ako uli. Kasi pagod ka na." I assured him that I wasn't complaining, na wala naman talaga sa akin yun. Pagod lang talaga ako kasi may physical aspect din naman ang work ko.

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After what seemed to be an endless home viewings, we finally got an offer on August. Syempre we didn't get the amount that we initially stated, nagtawaran pa kami. In the end, break even lang kami. Pero ok na rin, at least makakapagsimula na kami uli sa BC. Saka two and half years pa lang naman kami doon, kaya wag magexpect ng equity. Masuwerte pa nga kami kasi nabenta, ang dami-daming properties (both old and new) that time na nakatengga kasi nga walang pambili ang mga tao ng bahay.

By the way, ang nakabili ng townhouse namin ay isang matandang mag-asawang Intsik yata. They used to live with their child (and his/her family) in one of the units din in the complex, pero gusto na nilang humiwalay. Kaya bumili sila ng unit (cash ha) doon din para malapit lang din sa anak nila. We were thankful kasi nga kung hindi sila tagadoon din, I doubt kung bibili sila ng second hand house. There's a new array of townhomes just across our street na marami pang vacant units, pwedeng doon sila bumili kung tutuusin.

We agreed to turn over the house on the last day of September. We thought that should give us ample time to look for an apartment in BC, pack, and bid goodbye to our friends.

Pero kaloka ha, mid-September na eh wala pa kaming malilipatan. On my birthday weekend (August 27-29), we drove all the way to Surrey to check a townhouse-type rental apartment that's big enough to accommodate all our things. Akala namin makukuha namin, given my husband's good credit history and our savings (that will prove that we are capable of paying), kaso we got declined. We were shocked, ang sakit palang ma-reject. Ang only reason na naisip namin is because Ford was jobless at that time. Our savings (plus the sale of our house) didn't count. We really never saw it coming, we were too confident na walang magiging problema sa paghahanap namin ng matitirahan.

We searched and searched online pero walang vacancy sa mga apartment complexes sa Langley, Delta at Delta (iyon kasi ang mga target cities namin). Mukhang booming talaga ang BC, naisip namin. Marami nga rin kasing naglipatan doon from Alberta simula nang mag-recession. I tried emailing / text messaging yung mga homeowners na nagpaparent ng basement but nobody replied. Mukhang hindi ako sineryoso.

We were getting desperate. Malapit na kaming maging homeless. Ang tindi ng pressure. Thankfully, meron isang nakausap si Ford na apartment manager who was willing to take us in kahit na hindi na namin ma-view ang apartment. When Ford informed her na wala pa siyang trabaho, enough na daw that we email to her our bank's statement of account para lang masigurado na may pambayad kami sa mga susunod na buwan. I guess she took us in when she learned na Filipino kami, marami raw kasi silang tenants na Filipino. Gusto siguro nila ang Pinoy kasi maayos sa bahay.

The only problem though was that we could only move by October 1. The only solution was to rent a huge storage in Surrey (hay, gastos!) and dump our things there at least a week before September ends kasi we needed to clean the townhouse pa before the turnover.

My parents-in-law came over in September and helped us pack the house. I quit from my job na rin (my last day was September 17). Then Ford rented a truck and they brought all our things in the storage on September 21.

We stayed at our good friend's (Mylene and Obet) house for a couple of days before the townhouse's turnover. We spent those days with our distant cousins and closest friends who became our family in Edmonton. It was bitter sweet. We were excited because a new adventure awaits us, but it wasn't easy to leave the life that we've built in Edmonton.

With a heavy heart, we left on the night of October 1st.

---- To Be Continued ----

Two Years Ago in Edmonton (Part 1)

Want to know why we left Edmonton?

It's because my husband lost his job there two years ago.

January 26, 2016 (Tuesday). Ford went home on lunch time, as usual. But when he mentioned that two officers from their Saskatoon head office were in their office, I suddenly felt nervous. Alam ko may male-layoff na naman. Marami-rami na rin kasing nalay-off the past months, yung iba matatagal na sa company saka matataas din ang puwesto.

In less than an hour after he left the house to go back to work, I received a shocking message from him: "na-lay off ako." Biglang umakyat ang dugo ko sa ulo. I was hoping na nagbibiro lang siya, pero alam kong hindi. Hindi siya nagbibiro ng mga ganyang bagay. Saka alam kong may problema na sa office nila, wala na silang masyadong projects. I just didn't expect na male-layoff siya ahead of other employees. You see, he's the MOE (most valuable employee) in the office. He's the owner's "right hand" in Edmonton Office (that owner unfortunately died just four months prior). Akala ko mala-last man standing talaga siya sa opisinang yun. Yun din ang akala niya.

It was a world-shattering text message. Sobra ang takot ko. Ang nareply ko lang: "Paano na tayo?" I remember crying so hard while waiting for him to come home. My then one-year old son was somewhat aware of what's happening. He quietly sat on my lap and hugged me while I was sobbing.

What made the situation worse was that my parents-in-law were already in our house that time and in three days, Ford's sister from California and brother from Qatar (and his family) are also coming for vacation. Ang gara talaga ng timing.

Ewan ko ba pero parang nase-sense ko na rin na mawawalan ng work ang asawa ko. Just a week before it happened, nag-blog pa ako on how scary the Canadian economy was na that time. Alberta was badly hit by recession because the prices of oil continued to drop in the world market. Fully dependent ang economy ng Alberta sa oil kaya talagang bagsak na bagsak ang probinsya.

My husband is a licensed Professional Engineer (a Geotechnical Engineer to be exact) at talagang apektado ang industry nila. Bagsak ang ekonomiya kaya no new projects, no new constructions. Many engineers, who were being paid well, were laid off.

Ganun pala yun. Uso pala talaga ang lay-off lay-off na yan sa North America. At yung recession na nababasa ko lang dati, na-experience talaga namin.

I was so scared that time. Paano na lahat ng bayarin namin? I suddenly looked around and regretted buying so many things that I didn't really need. Bigla akong nanghinayang sa pera. To be honest, hindi na ako sanay maghirap. When I came to Canada, everything has been served to me on a silver platter. Hindi ako nahirapan. My husband has been a very good provider, naibigay niya talaga lahat ng gusto ko. Ang komportable ng buhay namin and I took pride on that. Imagine, we were living comfortably on a single income. Not many families in Canada could afford that.

Then I realized na kung mabigat para sa akin ang nangyari, mas mahirap para sa asawa ko who has taken pride in being a good provider as well. Mas mabigat ang dalahin niya, sa balikat niya nakasalalay ang pamilya namin eh. Of course hindi niya pinakita pero alam ko na sobrang naga-alala rin siya. Sino ba naman ang hindi?

As a wife, all I could do was give him words of encouragement. That everything will be ok. That we will get through that difficult situation. But as two realistic individuals, we knew that it might take some time. Again, recession eh. Hindi naman basta nagclose lang ang company at nawalan siya ng work. Kung ganun lang kasi ang nangyari, ang bilis niyang makakahanap ng bago given his credentials.

I mentally assessed our finances. Kahit paano medyo kumalma ang pakiramdam ko kasi aside from our savings, meron naman siyang makukuhang severance pay from his company tapos may Employment Insurance (o EI) naman where he paid the highest contribution so he'll get the highest benefit din.

I called my mother that night and cried on her virtual shoulder. She said she'd send us money (initial reaction syempre) but I assured her that we're still financially ok, that we could manage in the coming months.

The following day, I remember modifying my husband's resume. Di ko talaga maisip na balik na naman kami sa paggawa ng resume. Nag-apply na rin siya agad sa mga nakita niyang openings online (na parang mga old posts na) tutal wala namang mawawala.

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The next three weeks was extra difficult because we had a put up a brave front in front of my husband's family. It wasn't easy to smile and laugh when all you wanted that time was mourn and wallow. We also became cautious na of spending siyempre. Before his siblings came, sinabi na niya that he's lost his job kaya sila na muna ang bahala sa gastos. Syempre as the manong (or kuya) and host, that was so hard on his ego. Kaso no choice, we had to preserve whatever money we had for the rainy days ahead. Biglang naging mahalaga every dollar. Buti na lang nakapamili na kami ng groceries and other things bago nga ang lay-off.

Thankfully, money was no problem naman with his family. His siblings generously shouldered all the expenses sa mga trips and dine-outs namin. They also offered us financial help just in case we need it (na sobrang na-appreciate namin siyempre).

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Even before my in-laws left, I already toyed with this idea na ako na muna ang magtrabaho while Ford is under EI. You see, when you're receiving insurance benefits, lahat ng magiging sweldo mo from any other part-time job ay ide-deduct. My husband that time had a part-time job in Lowe's (he applied when Nathan and I were in Pinas for our first long vacation and he got bored) but he had to quit dahil nga ang useless lang kung yung kikitain niya doon ay ibabawas pa sa monthly cash benefit na makukuha niya sa EI. Parang nag-aksaya lang siya ng pagod at gasolina.

The best solution was really for me to work muna para may pandagdag kami sa EI at nang hindi maubos ang savings namin. Nang sabihin  ko yun sa asawa ko, I felt his hesitation. Syempre pride pa rin kahit papano. But after explaining to him na susubukan ko lang bumalik doon sa dati kong work at talagang gusto kong makatulong sa finances namin, he gave in.

I immediately contacted my former co-worker-turned-good-friend Cristy and asked her if there's an opening in the store (I worked there pala for only six weeks in 2014 kasi I got pregnant na). She excitedly said yes, kulang daw talaga sila ng keyholder/supervisor kaya mag-apply na ako agad. Sabi ko pagkaalis ng in-laws ko, pupunta ako agad doon.

After Ford's siblings left, sumunod na rin ang mga biyenan ko. They rebooked their flight a week earlier, probably para makapagsimula na kaming makadiskarte sa bagong sitwasyon namin. Before taking them to the airport, hinatid muna nila ako sa store early morning so I could submit my resume.

Cristy accompanied me to the assistant manager (the manager wasn't there that time) so I could personally hand to her my resume.

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To cut the story short, I got rehired and started working on February 29 (just over a month after Ford lost his job). It wasn't easy at first kasi nasanay na ako na pahiga-higa lang sa bahay but I got used to it eventually. After all, sabi ko nga kay Ford, I may not be masipag in the house pero masipag akong magtrabaho. Lahat ng extra hours kinuha ko. Kapag may absent, willing na willing akong sumalo ng shift.

Ford became a house husband for several months haha. Tapos personal driver ko pa kasi hatid-sundo niya (nila ni Nathan) sa trabaho. Sa totoo lang, nag-enjoy pa nga ako. Finally, I was able to work again!

Ang drawback lang siyempre is the salary. Maliit lang ang sweldo sa retail. Saka hindi naman ako full-time kaya hindi malaki ang take-home pay ko. Pero ayos na rin kasi at least nakukuha na ang pang-grocery at gas namin. Yung insurance ni Ford ang naging pambayad ng house mortgage, car, and other bills namin. Saktong-sakto lang talaga.

I am telling you, it was the most humbling time of our married/family life. Kinailangan din talaga naming magtipid kasi we weren't comfortable na mabawasan ang savings namin. Kung dati panay ang kain namin sa labas, syempre hindi na pwede. Walang shopping (except for essentials), walang luho, wala lahat ng nakasanayan namin. Nanahimik kami sa bahay. Buti nga one year old lang si Nathan noon, hindi pa demanding sa toys at McDonald's.

Kapag inisiip ko na minsan yung isang araw na sweldo ko ay isang oras lang dati ng asawa ko, napapailing ako. Malalaman mo talaga ang importance ng isang bagay kapag wala na sayo. Basta, nakaka-humble. Nakakawala ng yabang. It took a while pa nga before we informed our closest friends in Edmonton about our situation. Syempre ayaw namin ng "awa" o kahit na anong judgment. Pero hindi naman sila ganun. They, of all people, will understand our situation kasi nga taga-Alberta rin sila at nakaka-experience ng impact ng recession.

Ford continued to apply pero wala talagang hiring (yung mga nakapost online ay parang joke lang talaga).  He's had one job interview from a relatively "new" company pero sobrang weird daw ng owner. Ang taas ng vision, ang daming demands, pero $18 lang ang offer sa isang professional engineer. Sobrang shocking, really. It's expected na given the bad economy, hindi talaga makakapag-offer ng malaki pero $18 per hour lang talaga? Mataas pa ang sweldo ng cleaner? Big joke talaga kaloka.

Then one time, he contacted his former officemate who was then employed in a bigger engineering firm. That officemate promised to help him, tutulungan daw siyang makapasok kapag may opening. Sadly, only after two weeks, he got laid-off, too. More than half na pala of professional engineers in Alberta have lost their jobs.

Fortunately for us, may trabaho ako kahit papano kaya hindi na masyadong nakakapressure on my husband's part. But for his ex-officemate, grabe ang pressure because he just had a baby and the wife couldn't work. And because it was futile to look for work in Edmonton, he tried applying in Vancouver where he received an instant request for interview.

That's how we got the idea na lumipat sa BC. Mukhang madaling makahanap ng trabaho doon.

---- To Be Continued ----

Missing Casa Blanco

It's exactly two weeks now since we bid goodbye to our very first home. I started crying the moment we left and closed the garage door for the last time.

I wasn't that sad when I left our house in Pinas, kasi alam ko bahay ko pa rin naman iyon. Makakabalik pa ako anytime. Sa Unit 99, hindi na.

September 30, 2016

We  only lived in that house for 2 years and 8 months but we've built quite a lot of good memories there. I was still in the Philippines when Ford "bought" it. Pre-construction. Lumipat kami two months after I immigrated here in Canada. I felt so lucky and blessed. Imagine pagdating ko may bahay na agad ako.

Ford gave me the full privilege of decorating it, of turning it how I wanted it to be. Noon ko unang na-experience maging "wife" talaga.

It was truly a lucky home for us. Imagine, in less than three weeks of living there, nag-conceive na ako. That house witnessed how we became a 'family.'

Oh, and we've had quite a lot of house guests in less than three years that we stayed there. Lalong sumaya ang bahay namin.

 

Pero sabi nga nila, walang forever. Lalo na sa bahay dito sa Canada. Don't get too attached daw, kasi unlike sa Pinas, normal ang pagpalit-palit ng bahay dito o pag-move. 

When we had Nathan, we planned on getting a 'bigger' house din naman eventually. A 'small' laned home with a basement would be perfect, we thought. We will need kasi a bigger space for Nathan's stuff. Tapos November pa ang birthday niya, indoor parties lang ang puwede kasi nga 'winter' na.

But things happen and we had to leave Casa Blanco sooner than we expected. Kelangan na kasi naming lumipat ng lugar. Hay, if only we could bring our house with us! =(

huling sulyap

And so here I am, watching the heavy rains outside -- badly missing Unit 99. It might take time bago ako makamove-on. Siguro kapag may bagong Casa Blanco na uli. Right now, we are renting a one-bedroom apartment and most of our stuff are in the storage. Pag nakapag-settle na kami talaga dito sa BC, sana makabili na uli. Sobrang mahal nga lang ng mga bahay dito so we might end up in a condo. I don't care, I just want to have my own house again.

We love you, Casa Blanco. You'll always have a special place in our hearts.

We will get through this

I am so sorry for the lack of posts. I feel bad, really bad.

But you see, our family is facing through a tough time right now. Our life has changed in just a blink of an eye. =( If only I can blog about it, hay!

Picture taken from Instagram @snoopygrams

Anyway, I know that we'll be ok. Soon, hopefully. This is only a challenge, a test of our family's strength.

Someday...

I saw this picture when I looked for some wedding photos that I'll post for our 4th wedding anniversary. It was actually just taken last July 2012 in Jasper (also here in Alberta). Ford and I were newly married and I came here in Canada for a six-week visit.

Seeing this picture made me realize that there are lots of things that I cannot do now. Traveling is one.

I have to admit that I've been depressed lately. You see, my life at this moment is clearly non-enviable. All I do everyday is take care of Nathan. Not that I am complaining. I know that I am privileged to have the chance to be with my son all the time, that we can still afford to live here comfortably despite my not working. But I've really never imagined myself being in this situation ever.

You see, I am like a prisoner in my own home. It's winter time so Nathan and I couldn't go out without my husband. Unfortunately, Ford accepted a part-time job when we were in the Philippines (because of boredom) and I couldn't anymore convince him to quit. He works until 10pm on weekdays (he requested for a MWF schedule but it has yet to be put into effect). So from Monday to Friday, I spend 12 hours watching over Nathan and the remaining hours doing house chores (and sleeping). I hardly have time to do craft or blog. Weekends are busy as well. We have to squeeze all our errands and other chores into two days.

I am not a domestic type. I really am not happy with just staying home. I am just doing it because I have to. Because we are in Canada. That's probably the reason why I am still half-hearted in living here. Life in the Philippines is so much easier, domestic-wise. Plus I have mobility there.

Here in Canada, I am fully dependent on my husband. On everything. Whatever happened to the independent and smart Ces?

This is not me. A lot of people used to look up to me, including my husband. I was this pretty (and sexy) UP Professor who's got so much potential. Everyone admired me. Ngayon ako na lang si Ces na asa sa asawa. Napag-iiwanan na ako, yun ang totoo.

When I am feeling bad, I always reason that my life 'deteriorated' because I am now in Canada. Totoo rin naman. I have a one-year old child that I need to take care of. Most mothers here with young children stay at home. Pero sino bang niloloko ko? I have chosen the path of laziness and complacency kaya ganito ako ngayon.

I know that my life has to change or our family life would suffer. I can't be a good wife and mother if I am not happy.

Yesterday, I told Ford that I want to get a driver's license already. It's my first step toward independence. I have to overcome my fear of driving here. Haler, I've been driving in Manila since I was 18, how difficult could driving here be? 

I will be living in Canada for the rest of my life so I better be good. I better stop using motherhood as an excuse for a lousy lifestyle. I am only 36, I can still do so much more.

And oh, I WILL TRAVEL AGAIN. Someday. Hopefully soon. (I have to keep this in mind for extra drive. But of course, I will bring the husband and the son with me!).

Death of a brother

I only have one brother, a kuya. I've loved him so dearly.

But he died today.

Not literally though.

I hate any negativity on this blog. But I just have to post this to remember the day that I am now without a sibling.

Sadness envelopes my life at this point. But I am choosing to move forward.

My little boy is sick =(

This is the worst feeling ever. My son is sick and I am miserable.

This is the first time in three months that Nathan got sick (it started last Tuesday). Common cold at cough lang naman pero as a first time mom, I can't help but be worried. As a first time mom, I had no idea what to do. Ito na nga ba ang kinatatakutan ko, ang magkasakit ang anak ko. It's so painful seeing him cough. Barado rin ang ilong sa sipon kaya nahihirapang huminga. Kawawa talaga ang babies kapag may sakit because they can't properly express how they feel. A mom could only cry.

I am thankful though na wala siyang fever. We opted not to bring him to the clinic anymore kasi wala rin naman mangyayari doon. We just bought a nasal aspirator to help him relieve his nasal congestion.

It's been four days and his condition is already a bit better. He vomited nga lang the past two days. Hay, I can't wait till this ordeal is over. I myself am sick. Hindi ko nga alam kung ako ang nanghawa kay Nathan o siya ang nanghawa sa akin (the past days medyo may pasipon-sipon na rin kasi siya). Pero hindi ko afford na isipin na masama ang pakiramdam ko. I have my son to attend to, walang ibang mag-aalaga sa kanya kundi ako (while his daddy is at work).

Anak, please get well na. Let's go broom broom na. =(

#Fallen44

Another sad news from the Philippines.

Picture taken from the internet (credits to the owner)

The whole Filipino nation is mourning right now for the 44 SAF police commandos who were killed in a clash with Moro rebels in Mamasapano, Maguindanao last January 25, 2015.

I couldn't imagine the pain that the families of these fallen heroes are going through. I used to work for the Armed Forces of the Philippines Educational Benefit System Office (AFP EBSO), an office that gives scholarships to children of soldiers who died in action, hence I've met a lot of widows and children who were struggling just to make ends meet because their breadwinners were taken away from them. Their stories were heart breaking. I hope The government gives to the families of these deceased policemen all the benefits that are due them.

Justice for Fallen 44.

Goodbye, Target!

I woke up yesterday morning to this very sad news.

Just last Saturday, I was very happy with their Dollar Spot bins. It's one of my simple pleasures here in Edmonton eh -- checking on the dollar bins and hoarding cute stationery stuff.

I could not believe it that Target is leaving so soon! Imagine, they only came here in Canada in 2013! I can still remember Target replacing Zellers.

Though Target's shelves are empty most of the time, I still love going there. There are so many nice items in Target that you couldn't find anywhere else. And when they put their items on clearance, bagsak presyo talaga.

So what will my life now be without Target? Next to Walmart, it's my go-to place when I feel the itch to shop and all I can afford are cheap stuff. Hay!

My heart is really breaking! I wanna go to Target now and enjoy it while it's still here. =(

Goodbye, Tita Mareng! =(

Another very sad news from home. Tita Mareng, one of two surviving sisters of my mother, passed away last December 16, 2014.

I cried hard. It was a sudden death. Her family just brought her to the hospital because she couldn't breathe. But just after two days, she passed away because of pneumonia and heart attack.

I feel for my cousins Jemma and Mac Mac. I can't imagine losing my own mother so I know how tragic this must be for them.

I also feel sad for my Mamoosh and Tita Oya. They love their sister very much. Now it's just the two of them left.

I am full of regrets. The last time I saw Tita Mareng was on the day I left the Philippines for Canada (November 5, 2013). Together with my Nanay, she and Tita Oya sent me off. I will always remember na pinagbalat pa niya talaga ako ng hipon sa huling lunch ko noon because I was already in a hurry and didn't want to get my hands dirty. I hugged her before I left, asked her to take care of my mother while I am away.

She was "arboring" one of my bags but I told her na koleksyon ko iyon. Na bibigyan ko siya ng bago pag-uwi ko. I meant it talaga. Sayang hindi ko natupad. Sayang din hindi na niya nakita si Nathan.

Again, one of the saddest things that can happen to a person while he/she's abroad is to be told that a loved one from back home passed away. I felt so helpless. I want to see her for the last time and thank her for all the good things that she's done for me but I couldn't. Ang nagawa ko na lang ay magpadala ng kaunting halaga para makatulong sa burial expenses niya (thanks to Ford).

Rest in peace, Tita Mareng. I may never have told you this ever, but I love you. And I will miss you.

Goodbye, Amang. =(

A very sad news woke me up this morning. My paternal grandfather, AMANG as we all call him, passed away just a few hours ago.

Kuya, Amang, and Me (Father's Day 2013)

I knew it's bound to happen, but still no amount of emotional preparation can spare you from the pain of losing your last surviving grandparent. I last saw him almost a year ago, before I left for Canada. How I wish inantay niya akong makauwi.

I feel so helpless. I want to go home to pay my last respects but it's impossible since I am about to give birth already. But if there's any consolation, at least some of my titas and titos were there during his last days.

We love you, Amang. We will truly miss you. Enjoy your journey to heaven. And please say hello to Inang for us. =(

Get well, Amang... =(

My 90-year old grandfather Amang (in the Philippines) is in the hospital again. I heard he's been asking for me and I feel awful not being by his side during this time that he needs his family the most.

Picture taken from Tita Lulu Cera-Garcia's Facebook account

Seven of his eight children are living in North America and couldn't be with him as well. It is only my father who 'takes care' of him now. My mother and brother, because of some conflict with my father, could not even visit him. Tsk, he's very close pa naman to Mamoosh and has been constantly looking for her.

 Amang actually is an American citizen but he preferred to spend the last years of his life in Malolos. With no one to really take care of him in the US (because everybody's working), he felt better staying in Pinas with Boying and Neng (a longtime helper of the family) as his sole companions.

Getting sick in the Philippines is so difficult especially for the elderly. The costs of hospitalization alone is so difficult to bear. It is sad because not all his children are willing to shell out money for his health needs. Majority are dedma talaga, nakaka-disappoint. I know that life here in North America is not exactly a bed of roses but there are expenses that we cannot avoid and should do something about. One of them is the care for your father. If only I am working, I won't hesitate to regularly send some money for him, if only to make his remaining days comfortable.

My grandfather is a fighter. He's got a very good disposition. He's got cancer and was given six months to live a decade ago but look at him now, still alive and smiling. But of course, at almost 91, his body is deteriorating.

I just wish that he could "wait" for me. If anything happens to him now, I cannot go home. I want him to still see Baby Chicklet. Please get well, Amang. We love you!

No baby shower for Chicklet

Two people had mentioned "baby shower" to me in three days.

First was my aunt who lives in Vancouver. She's very excited for my baby and regrets that they are too far away (about 13-hour drive) to give me a baby shower. It's her thing eh, she loves cooking and decorating, and throwing parties.

And just yesterday, a "new" friend who came over our house to look at it (they want to buy a townhouse din here in our area) saw some of the baby stuff we bought and commented: "Ay sayang, sana hindi muna kayo bumili. Baka may magregalo niyan sa baby shower." She's just given birth 7 months ago and she's had a nice baby shower. I simply answered her: "Haha, sino naman ang magpapa-shower sakin dito?"

Actually, the thought that I won't be having a baby shower here in Canada started a couple of weeks ago when we went to Dollar Tree. They are selling so many cute baby shower stuff and I realized that nobody here in Edmonton would throw a shower for my Chicklet.

I felt a sad, honestly. Aside from a couple of new friends that we've recently met, it's just me and my husband who are living here. I don't work so I have no co-workers who'll party with me. Again, there were times I wished that I am in the Philippines during my pregnancy. There, I have friends and relatives who'll make me feel special and loved. I am sure I'll have a fabulous baby party there if I want to.

But I choose not to dwell on the negative. A party is just for a few hours, I keep on reminding myself. I have to focus on the good side of giving birth here - that is, I'll have a Canadian baby who will reap all the perks of first world living. That's more important than a party, right?

I also reminded myself that a baby shower is a western thing. In the Philippines, hindi naman talaga uso yan simply because we have baptismal parties where the baby receives so much gifts. Redundant na kapag nagpa-baby shower ka pa. Chicklet will be baptized in Pinas so iyon na lang ang party na paplanuhin at ilu-look forward ko.

They say we can't have everything and that is true. I am glad though that even without a baby shower party, our baby will have everything he needs when he finally shows up. Thanks to my hardworking husband!

On Goodbyes and Hellos

We had to say goodbye to Ford today. A highly sentimental person that I am, I wanted to cry. It wasn't easy leaving "Truckito" behind, we just had to. It was my hubby's first vehicle here in Canada. They've been together for more than three years - in the heat of summer and in thickness of the snow. But we had to let it go because our 'growing' family needs a different car. We would have kept it if not for the high costs of insurance here.

We will miss you so much, Truckito! You were the one who first welcomed me here in Canada. You brought us to so many places. You accompanied us in our new home, carrying all our stuff and loots. We will never forget you. Hope they'll find you a nice new owner who'll take care of you like what Pod did.

With goodbyes comes hellos.

After bidding farewell to Truckito, we said hello to Subaru. We waited for more than six weeks to get it.

This car is also special to us because it's the first that we bought as a married couple. It will also serve as reckoning for Chicklet's birth. We'll have plenty of good family memories in it. I really am wishing it will serve us well, for we intend to keep it for a very long time.

Oops, I bought a Pandora car charm nga pala to commemorate Subaru's arrival into our lives.

Missing the girls

I am turning 35 in four days. This will be the first time (since college) I'm celebrating my birthday without my girls.

My 33rd birthday celebration @ Red Box Trinoma (August 27, 2012)

I miss them so much! And I need them, especially with all the big changes happening in my life right now. Oh how I wish they're just here beside me!

I've been living a relatively 'friendless' (in the profound sense of the word) existence here in Edmonton ever since I moved. It's not easy, as I am used to having long quality talks over Starbucks coffee with these ladies. It was painful leaving them, I am telling you.

Hay, birthday jitters!

I have gestational diabetes :(

I took my Glucose Screening Test (non-fasting 1-hour test) at Dynalife last July 26, 2014 and only learned the result last August 5.

One-hour wait :(

RESULT = positive for gestational diabetes!

I thought I was already spared since I haven't heard from the doctor's office after my test. But then it was only on my monthly check-up last August 5 that my OB read the result. She told me I have gestational diabetes and that I will be referred to a diabetes specialist and dietitian. That's it.

Parang gumuho ang mundo ko. I had so many questions but as usual, she was in a hurry. She just advised me to wait for a call (from the diabetes specialist) and 'not to worry.'

But how can I not worry??? I knew what DIABETES meant. My mother is diabetic and is on insulin everyday. I know how hard it is to have this condition. Plus gestational diabetes means more tusok and blood (which I of course loathe)! I was also scared about the effect of this on Baby Chicklet.

I kept on thinking about 'my condition'. How come the doctor didn't request for me to undergo the 3-hour glucose (fasting) test? Isn't it the next stop? Why refer me to a specialist right away? I've finally concluded that the result must be so high that no follow up test is necessary. Hay!

I didn't know the exact figure so I went to Dynalife's website and sent an email, asking if I can have access to the result of my lab test. They emailed back immediately and instructed me to call their hotline.So pwede palang malaman ng patient ang result either through phone or personal request sa laboratory (which they will send via mail), depende sa klase ng test. Now I know.

I called Dynalife the following day and the woman and the other line instantly advised me to go to my doctor. as soon as possible. I reasoned that I already went to one and I just want the numbers.

The figure: 11.6 mmol/litre (normal is 7.7mmol/litre)

It is indeed very high! Waaaah!

But deep inside, I knew it. I knew that there's a huge possibility that I'd have gestational diabetes in this pregnancy.

• I have strong history of diabetes (my mother and father).
• I am a bit overweight.
• I am already 35 years old.

Aside from that, I admit to having a very bad lifestyle lately:

• I eat a lot of carbs as in (kain ala construction worker)!
• I don't eat healthy.
• I eat only two major meals a day (and I am not that into snacks). 
• I don't exercise (my husband does all the household chores).

I received a call on August 7 from Mother Rosalie Health Service Centre (Misericordia Hospital) and they scheduled me for August 28 diabetes session. According to the staff, after the 'seminar,' I'd have a talk with a nutritionist then the doctor.

August 28 is still far away! Right now, I am controlling my food intake. I am trying to eat frequently in small quantity. We've switched from white to brown rice, from pandesal to wheat bread.

It's been a week since I adapted a new eating habit and I am hoping that my numbers went down already. I remember eating so much the night before my glucose test (Costco fries, hotdog, chicken, and sprite). I also had McDonald's pancakes and sausage before I went to the laboratory that morning so I believe that these contributed to my elevated blood sugar level.

I wanted to have my blood sugar level tested now but we still don't have the glucose tester. We were about to buy already but Ate June said I'd receive a free one after attending the diabetes session (a nurse would teach me how to prick my finger).

I am scared. I am all the more scared to take insulin. But obviously I have no choice right now kundi lakasan ang loob ko. Pero sana lang talaga makuha pa sa diet. =(