Mother's Day 2020 Celebration

May 9, 2020 (Saturday). To continue our previous Mother's Day steak tradition, syempre nagpa-steak si Mayor Coblancs noong Mother's Day weekend. Walang steak for the past two years kasi nasa Pinas kami. Ngayon lang uli naulit.

I would normally prefer to eat out na lang when we need to celebrate para iwas-luto at ligpit na (saka masarap kumain ng hindi mo niluto, aminin!) kaso naman... nasa kalagitnaan tayo ng pandemya! Sarado ang mga restaurants.

But still,  dahil may okasyon nga, sa "labas" pa rin kami kumain lol. Thankfully, maganda ang weather. By the way, Sabado night na kami nagcelebrate para walang pasok si Dad kinabukasan.

My only request to Dad this Mother's Day was that chocolate cake. Ilang weeks na nga kasi akong nagke-crave sa cake na yan. Hindi siya mura at $40 (I bought it from my suking Pinay baker) pero keri lang... Mother's Day naman eh! Mother's Day! Haha!

Aside from (well-done) steak, we also had mussels, macaroni salad, and buttered veggies. Busog na busog na kami at sobrang sulit. Mas mura talaga kapag sa bahay lang kakain.

Sa totoo lang, sanay naman kami sa social/physical distancing haha. Lagi namang kaming tatlo lang ang magkakasama. Pero talaga, I am grateful kasi I am blessed with a small but happy family.

Thank you, Daddy Ford and Nathan! I love you so so much!

My 6th Mother's Day! I am far from being a perfect mom pero alam kong alam ng anak ko na mahal na mahal ko siya. Mama's boy nga yan eh! =)

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Here's the 'steak tradition' I am talking about:

TanTan: Ang Masayahing Bata

Yesterday afternoon before we left for the mall, I asked Ford a question.

CES -- Kung bibigyan ka ng chance, papalitan mo ba si TanTan bilang anak mo?

Of course, I was expecting a "no" answer. I was just curious on his reason.

FORD -- No. Eh kasi hindi siya malungkutin. Tingnan mo palagi siyang masaya, palaging nakangiti. 

Haha, natawa talaga ako! Ayaw pala niya ng malungkuting bata lol!

But seriously, I love it that my son is one happy boy. Nakangiti ang default face niya (unlike me na nakasimangot). Palagi siyang humahalaklak, palaging bumubungisngis. Born comedian pa. Naiisip ko talaga, kanino ba ito nagmana? Mas sa tatay niya definitely.

My wish is for him to stay that way. Hope he continues to be a ray of sunshine not just to us his parents but to others as well.

Ang hirap magpalaki ng bata, pero kung ganito ba naman ka-cute at ka-bibo ang aalagaan mo, sulit! #proudmomlangpo

A bitter confession of a mom

I have a confession to make. I am a stay-at-home mom but I am not a good one.

First, let me lay down a context. I am turning 38 next month. In all the years before I had my son, I've never taken care of a child. I am the youngest in the brood of two. I didn't grow up with my younger cousins. Puro adults ang nakasalamuha ko sa buhay ko.

I am also not fond of kids (hanggang ngayon, admittedly). Sure, there are kids that I like/d, pero hanggang ganun lang yun. I thought motherhood would change me, hindi pala. Nagka-soft spot naman ako kahit papano sa mga bata, pero hindi ko pa rin masasabi na "mahilig na ako sa bata." Wala nga raw akong pasensya sabi ni tita ko.

I love Nathan, that is why I am enduring this kind of life (i.e. being a stay-at-home mom) because of him. Honestly, if I have a choice, I would like to continue working. In my more than three years of living here in Canada, I realized na hindi ako talaga domesticated. At this point, iniisip ko na lang na hindi naman permanente ang sitwasyon ko. When my son is older, I can work again.

But as of the moment, I feel that I am a failure as a stay-at-home mom kasi hindi ko natuturuan talaga nang maayos ang anak ko. Sure, I feed him, change his nappies, buy him toys, play with him (a bit)... but that's it. Kulang ako sa effort na turuan siyang humawak ng pencil, mag-color, magmemorize ng alphabet and numbers, etc. And to think naging teacher pa ako dati ha (sa college nga lang).

My son is a very smart boy (I can really say that objectively). Early on, I noticed that he was very self -sufficient. He learned colors, letters, and numbers by himself. Sa kakapanood ng youtube lang. Ang dali nyang pumick-up, ang galing nyang mag-recognize at mag-memorize. Kaya yumabang ako. Naisip ko na kaya niya na yun. Konting chika chika lang with him, ayos na.

Lagi ko rin kasing naiisip that both his dad and I were good in school. So kanino pa ba siya magmamana? I don't remember being pushed hard to study. Sariling sikap lang din ako noon. I see myself in Nathan so confident ako that he'll be ok. Naniniwala rin kasi kami ng asawa ko na "kung matalino ang bata, matalino talaga kahit anong mangyari."

But the other day, when Nathan and I were 'practicing' some letters (mahilig siyang magtuturo ng letters kapag nakakakita siya), I noticed na marami-rami siyang na-miss. I was disappointed, not to him but to myself. Bakit ganun? Halos memorized na niya ang alphabet dati pa, nasa Pinas pa kami. How come hindi na niya alam ngayon yung iba? Kahit sa colors, palagi niyang naiinterchange ang black and brown samantalang alam na alam na niya yun matagal na.

I knew my mother would scold me for this. Siya kasi ang very patient noon na makipaglaro at makipagturuan kay Nathan. Oh, what have I done (or haven't done)?

Since we came back here in Canada (from our 5 1/2 months stay in the Philippines), I dwell on my misery so much that I forgot to 'really' take care of my little boy. The boy who loves and adores me and whose world revolves around me. Ang selfish ko. Puro sarili kong frustrations ang iniisip ko, napabayaan ko talaga ang anak ko. Ang tamad tamad kong makipaglaro sa kanya, siguro kasi nga we are together 24/7. I took him for granted.

My son is already 2 years and 8 months. Ang bilis niyang lumaki. Gusto kong bumawi. From now on, I will make his childhood extra special. I will become a fun mom. Sasamantalahin ko ang time na ito na magkasama kami all the time.

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I had a bad dream yesterday. My mother died in my dream. I knew that I shouldn't take dreams literally so I googled for an interpretation.

I found this:

"To dream about the death of a loved one suggests that you are lacking a certain aspect or quality that the loved one embodies."

This is probably true. My mother is very caring and nurturing. Ang layo ko sa pagiging nanay niya. Wake up call na nga ito siguro para magbago ako. Grade 6 lang ang natapos ng nanay ko, so I grew up resenting the fact that she couldn't teach me (or talk to me in) English or Algebra. Pero nang makita ko kung paano niya turuan ng ABC ang anak ko, alam kong ganun din ang ginawa niya sa akin noong bata pa ako. Kaya pala ang ganda ng foundation ko. Kaya pala magaling ako sa school. I am so ashamed of myself. Cum Laude graduate pa naman ako sa UP. 

Nay, sorry po. I will become a better mother to your grandson. Pangako po. 

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We've been buying a lot of toys for Nathan lately, pero kulang na kulang siya sa educational materials. Kaya inaya ko kaagad si husband sa mall after his work para masimulan ko na ang project ko. My plan is to allot one-hour a day for Nathan to "study." 

Here's what I bought at Dollarama and Walmart:

Dollarama

Crayons = 1.50
Oblong container = 1.25
Paw Patrol Play Pack = 1.50
Flash Cards = 1.50
Sketch Pad = 1.50
Coloring Book = 1.50
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TOTAL = 8.75 + 12% tax = 9.80


Walmart

Pencils = 0.97
Markers = 1.70 (discounted)
Coloring book = 2.97
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TOTAL = 5.64 + 12% tax = 6.32


Whew, I spent a grand total of CAD16.12 for all of these. Kailangang masulit.

No girl, thank you.

I posted these pictures in Facebook a few days ago. Nakatuwaan lang namin ng pinsan ko na gawing girl si Nathan (using apps lang naman).

I was surprised with the comments that I got. Most of them "suggested / advised" that I "make" a girl na since gusto ko ng anak na babae.

I know that those people meant well. Common comment / reaction lang naman yun. But still, I was a bit pissed. Everytime I hear people telling me na mag-anak na uli, naiinis ako. Lalo na pag sinasabing gumawa ng babae. Haler, napipili ba ang gender ng anak?

I would have to admit na kung madali lang sana, mas ok nga din siguro na may kapatid si Nathan. Pero hindi na nga kasi feasible yan sa family situation namin.

I am really tired of explaining to all why I have no plans of conceiving again:

• Iam already 37 1/2 years old right now. Ayaw ko ng magbuntis kasi high risk na talaga.
• I had gestational diabetes when I was pregnant with Nathan. Alam kong mas malala kapag nagbuntis uli ako.
• It's only me and Ford in Canada. We have no one to help us with Nathan kapag nanganak na ako. Kahit nga habang buntis pa lang (I couldn't imagine taking care of a toddler lalo na sa first at last trimester ng pregnancy).
• Nathan was born via C-Section. Ayaw ko ng magpa-hiwa uli. Sobrang tagal ng recovery.
• I am done with taking care of a baby. Ayaw ko na uli ng sleepless nights, etc. 
• I want to upgrade my credentials to be able to find a good job in Canada. The sooner, the better. I am not exactly young. I want to work asap.
• I am already exhausted in raising one child. I am not physically strong. An additional child will put so much toil on my body.

Some friends jokingly call me "selfish." Ayaw ko raw bigyan ng kapatid si Nathan (by the way, Ford wants one more child). Pero I need to preserve my sanity for Nathan din eh. Aanhin niya ang kapatid kung "baliw" naman ang nanay niya?

And for the record, I NEVER WANTED TO HAVE A BABY GIRL. #sorrynotsosorry

When I first learned that I was pregnant, I secretly hoped for a boy (although for sure magbabago din naman ang stand ko kung naging babae ang anak ko). "Boys are easy," sabi nga ng mga Canadians na nakakuwentuhan ko. Low maintenance. Saka Mama's boys.

I don't know how to care of  baby girls. Hindi ako marunong mag-ipit o magtali ng buhok. Ayaw ko din mag-effort masyado kasi girl nga (aka fragile). Saka seriously, ayaw ko ng competition sa pamilya haha. Akin lang ang Louis Vuitton! Gusto ko ako lang ang girl, ako ang center. Siguro kasi nasanay ako na only daughter din. Oo na, selfish nga talaga ako.

In my more than 2 years of being a mother to a boy, napatunayan ko na less effort nga ang kailangan in taking care of them. Hindi kailangang masyadong makinis, hindi masyadong pabebe ang approach. Tamang harutan lang, lol. Plus happy na talaga ako na may magdadala na ng apelido ng asawa ko (so cliche!). Tama na yun.

So there, no more baby girl Blanco. I hope I made myself clear. Nathan is destined to be an only  child. Period. And he won't be kawawa. Ang daming only child sa mundo noh.

#Grateful

I will be going home in the Philippines next month and I am taking Nathan with me (Ford only has two weeks vacation so he'll just follow us in November).  But I am glad that we're be taking him back with us when we return here in Canada.

Nasabi ko ito kasi may kakilala akong taga-dito (she's a receptionist in a clinic who eventually became my FB friend) na nasa Pilipinas ngayon dala ang dalawang anak (ages 3 and 11 months). I really thought umuwi lang sila para magbakasyon. But then I saw in FB this morning na nag-start ng mag-aral ang panganay niya sa daycare. She told me iiwan muna niya ang mga bata temporarily. Oo nga pala, kasi her one-year maternity leave is almost over and she has to go back to work. Walang mag-aalaga sa mga anak niya kasi may trabaho rin ang asawa niya.

It's a common situation actually sa mga nasa Canada. The cost of daycare or having a nanny is so high that only high-paying people could afford it. Kung average lang ang salary mo, better to just quit your job and personally take full time care of your children.

But then again, mahirap mabuhay sa Canada ang isang pamilya na isa lang ang nagtatrabaho. Kaya normal na na iniiwan muna sa Pilipinas ng ilang magulang ang mga anak nila para makapagtrabaho. Kukunin na lang uli kapag medyo malaki na at hindi na gaanong alagain.

Just after I gave birth, my brother in the Philippines suggested na iwanan na lang muna namin sa kanila si Nathan so that I can work here. They know me, they know that I am not domesticated (and motherly?) enough to survive here given na may anak na ako. They know that I want to work, na ayaw kong matali lang sa bahay.

Syempre hindi papayag si Ford. Kahit ako din naman. The moment I learned that I am pregnant, I began to condition myself na sa bahay lang ako in the next few years. No choice eh.

I admit that every now and then, nabuburyo rin ako. I never dreamt of being a stay-at-home wife and mom. Modesty aside, I was an academic achiever. I always saw myself working and earning.

But this day, I am choosing to be grateful. Grateful that I have a husband who provides well for us, na hindi na namin kailangan pang iuwi sa Pinas si Nathan.

I am thankful because I won't miss any milestone in my child's life. Just last Saturday, Nathan began sitting on his own. I wanted to cry. Kung nagtatrabaho ako, hindi ko maeexperience ang kakaibang saya na naramdaman ko nung araw na yun.

My cousin and her husband, who works in UAE, are also in the Philippines now. Umuwi sila para iwanan din ang dalawang anak nila. They reasoned that they want to save up and they couldn't do that when their children are with them. Sa taas ba naman ng cost of living. School age na yung panganay nila at sobrang mahal ng tuition fee. I am not sure kung makakayanan ng pinsan ko na mawalay sa mga anak niya. I myself couldn't imagine being away from my son. Ikamamatay ko yata.

We are living a very simple life here in Edmonton. Simple yet comfortable. Again, I want to thank my husband for giving us a good life. For giving me the chance to be always there for Nathan. Not every one is as privileged as me.

My first Mother's Day Pandora charm

Oh, I can't believe May is almost over! Time flies so fast!

I have to admit something. I am so tempted to abandon this blog already. I am now very busy taking care of my 6-month-old makulit na baby and I feel na ang dami ko ng na-miss isulat. Ang mga recent events ng buhay namin, sa Instagram ko na lang nado-document. To be honest, finding time to write is so difficult now.

But I realized that I was sad the past weeks that I am not blogging. Feeling ko kasi ito na lang ang private space ko talaga, iyong akin talaga. I don't care if nobody reads my entries. Masaya lang talaga ako na may "online journal" ako.

Anyway, I promise to write more for myself. Para marami akong balikan later on.

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Oops, I have a new Pandora charm nga pala. I now love the month of May -- kasi may another occasion na na dedicated for me. MOTHER'S DAY!

To commemorate my first ever Mother's Day, my husband told me to get a new charm. My husband is not the type who will personally go to the store and choose something for me. He'll ask me exactly what I want then he'll buy it. He's so afraid na ma-okray ko, wala raw kasi siyang taste. Medyo totoo naman haha! Now that we're living together (we used to be in LDR), he would just tell me to buy whatever I want (using his money, of course). Ang praktikal noh? Where did romance go? Hahaha!

I wanted a different "mom" charm pero hindi available sa Pandora West Edmonton Mall. I just settled for this one. Thank you, dear husband!

This is my 7th Pandora charm. I wonder kung kelan kaya mapupuno ang bracelet ko.

My little boy is sick =(

This is the worst feeling ever. My son is sick and I am miserable.

This is the first time in three months that Nathan got sick (it started last Tuesday). Common cold at cough lang naman pero as a first time mom, I can't help but be worried. As a first time mom, I had no idea what to do. Ito na nga ba ang kinatatakutan ko, ang magkasakit ang anak ko. It's so painful seeing him cough. Barado rin ang ilong sa sipon kaya nahihirapang huminga. Kawawa talaga ang babies kapag may sakit because they can't properly express how they feel. A mom could only cry.

I am thankful though na wala siyang fever. We opted not to bring him to the clinic anymore kasi wala rin naman mangyayari doon. We just bought a nasal aspirator to help him relieve his nasal congestion.

It's been four days and his condition is already a bit better. He vomited nga lang the past two days. Hay, I can't wait till this ordeal is over. I myself am sick. Hindi ko nga alam kung ako ang nanghawa kay Nathan o siya ang nanghawa sa akin (the past days medyo may pasipon-sipon na rin kasi siya). Pero hindi ko afford na isipin na masama ang pakiramdam ko. I have my son to attend to, walang ibang mag-aalaga sa kanya kundi ako (while his daddy is at work).

Anak, please get well na. Let's go broom broom na. =(

I am strong, after all.

It's been exactly two months now since my parents-in-law went back to California. They came here in October to help us with my giving birth. They were scheduled to leave on December 2 but we thought they could extend should we still need their assistance. Unfortunately, they had to go back to the States on the said schedule because they have to fix their insurance and do some jury duty.

Honestly, I was disappointed. I delivered via c-section and we badly needed them. Ford went back to work on December 1 and I was so afraid to be left alone with the baby. I was still in so much pain then. I wanted to rest, to sleep. But we had no choice. They were not my parents in the first place. I cannot impose. We had no other people to help us out and I felt so helpless.

At eighteen days postpartum, I was already taking care of Nathan on my own. It wasn't easy. Why, I only started changing his nappy and feeding him on December 1 (Ford's first day back at work)! Prior to that, it was my husband who did everything for the baby.

The first few days were hell. I slept for an average of two hours on each day and I was almost screaming from pain in my incision. I have very low tolerance for pain, I am telling you. I am a coward whenever I feel aches on my body.

Aside from that, Nathan and I got stuck on our room upstairs for weeks. I was 'forbidden' to go up and down the stairs because of my ceasarian operation so I had no choice (we have no room nor bathroom in the main floor). Everything we needed - food, water, milk, etc. - were being brought to us by Ford. There were days when I had to content myself with instant noodles for lunch because that's the only hot food I could have when my husband was at work. I lost a lot of weight as a result.

On my third "night" of taking care of Nathan, I couldn't stop him from crying. I was so tired and I ended up weeping myself. Ford, who was sleeping on the other room so he could rest well, came in and saw me and the baby crying. I hysterically told him: "Hindi ko na kaya. Hindi ko na kaya!" But of course, after he pacified the baby, I resumed on my mommy duties.

When Ford went home after work the following day, he informed me that he asked their HR if he could just go to work for half a day in the next two weeks. He reasoned that I am having a 'breakdown.' People here are so used to postpartum depression so his request was easily granted. But since he already consumed all his vacation leave, his under time would result to salary deduction.

I felt bad. The reason why Ford didn't avail of the 3-month paternity leave is because the amount that he will get from EI (or Employment Insurance) won't be sufficient to pay our mortgages and bills. A salary deduction is a big deal, given that we have so many added expenses for the baby.

But Ford's half-day-only work helped a lot in my adjustment. I was able to rest for longer hours and eat better. And though I was still in pain, I told Ford he could go back to working full hours na kahit may one week pa. Nanghinayang talaga ko sa deduction.

Two months! Two months have passed and I survived! I would like to believe that I've already experienced the worst so everything else that follows is easier. The taking-care-of-the-baby-while-in-pain is over. Nathan is almost 12 weeks now and he's sleeping longer. We've bonded so much and I already know him - his moods, his habits. It is still difficult, of course, but I am feeling a lot better now.

Face of a tired but happy mom.

Looking back, I never thought that I will make it. Even my mother was skeptic. She knows me very well so she was so worried. If only she could send a baby sitter from Pinas, she kept on saying. But I am a mother now. A mother can do everything for her child. A mother has this unexplainable strength when it comes to taking care of her offspring. I never believed it until now.

But I would not have made it without my husband. To be honest, he's still doing more of the house and baby chores than me. I am also thankful to my little boy because even though he keeps on feeding often (every 1 1/2 - 2 hours), he didn't give me any problem. He's never been sick so far and he's such a happy baby - always smiling and laughing.

Two months. Just two months. I still have a lifetime of mommy duties. But if this smile is what I'll see every day, I'll be fine. I am strong, after all!

I love you, my Cheeky Boy! Mommy ang bahala sayo! =)

Cuteness Overload

I had a first 4D glimpse of Chicklet on September 5, 2014. I admit that it made me depressed. Look at the picture, he looked so weird right?

I did some manic research again, seeking for an assurance that 4D ultrasound images are inaccurate and that my baby will look "better" in person. But my fear did not leave me, until I gave birth, I was afraid that my baby will be "ugly." An ugly ugly word, I know!

I tried to convince myself that I will love my child no matter what. I knew I will. Niloloko ko pa ang sarili ko na "patatalinuhin" ko na lang siya just in case hindi siya cute. But of course, deep inside I wanted him to be normal looking. Not good looking, just normal looking - with no major flaws and all. Hindi ko kasi kaya na tutuksuhin siya at ibu-bully later on.

But you know what, after I delivered him via C-section, the first thing I heard from the nurses was: "Oh, he's so cute!"

Really, my son is cute??? Or baka naman sinasabi lang nila yun sa lahat ng babies???

I personally find him adorable but Ford would always tease me na "nanay na nga ako," that my judgement is being clouded kasi nga anak ko ang pinag-uusapan.

But after a few days and constant affirmation, siguro nga cute talaga ang Nathan ko! I even asked my girls friends if they OBJECTIVELY find him cute. They wanted to 'spank' me for asking.

Anyway, here are Nathan's pictures for the last 11 weeks.

Newborn

Day 1

Week 1

Week 2

Week 3

Week 4

Week 5

Week 6

Week 7

Week 8

Week 9

Week 10

Week 11

Cute eh?! Pagbigyan nyo na ako please lang! =)

My son's face is not perfect but those imperfections make him look so adorable. I am super duper proud of him! Alam kong nag-iiba pa ang itsura ng mga bata and there's still a possibility that he will look 'less cute' later on. But I don't mind, I will love him all the more.

But for now, ieenjoy ko muna ang constant praises for him! #kiligmommymode

Regrets

We were at Walmart (Windemere) last night and I wasn't able to resist this picture frame. I've always wanted a frame for Nathan where I can put his first 12 months pictures pero kahapon lang ako nakakita ng gusto ko. I got so excited!

Then it hit me... parang wala akong maayos na one month picture ni Nathan na magandang ilagay sa frame! Still, i bought it. Magka-crop na lang ako ng picture.

Then at the Baby Section, I saw a set of monthly birthday stickers similar to this:

Picture taken from the internet (credits to the owner)

I wanted to cry that very moment. Bakit noon lang ako nakakita ng ganun sa Walmart? Palagi kami sa Walmart when I was pregnant and we bought most of our baby things there, how come na-miss ko ang stickers na ganito?

I also remembered that the other night, I saw a picture on Instagram na parang ganito. A very good monthly pictorial idea for a baby. Nalungkot din ako kasi nga hindi ko na magagawa ito for Nathan. Late na.

Picture taken from the internet (credits to the owner)

I've only been a mother for 11 weeks and I am already filled with regrets. Feeling ko ang dami kong hindi nagawa for my baby at sa pregnancy ko.

• I had very few preggy pictures.
• We never had a good "family" picture when I was pregnant.
• I didn't have a maternity shoot.
• I wasn't able to document my pregnancy, especially the earlier stages.
• I didn't have a baby shower.
• I didn't buy baby keepsakes like baby memory book, casting kits, frames, and milestone stickers.
• I didn't have a nice picture with the newborn Nathan.
• Nathan didn't have a newborn studio pictorial.
• I wasn't able to take videos of Nathan when we were still at the hospital.
• I wasn't able to conceptualize a good monthly birthday pictures for Nathan.

I don't want to blame myself entirely though. Some things were beyond my control. I had a very difficult first trimester so I wasn't able to blog for several months (that was my idea of documentation). I stayed mostly at the house so I never felt the need to buy nice but expensive maternity clothes and have my pictures taken. I didn't have a baby shower because no one here in Edmonton will throw me one. And because I quit working, I didn't have my own money to spend on some pregnancy whims like maternity shoots and baby keepsakes. My husband naman is clueless about those things kaya nahihiya akong masyadong gumastos. We've already spent a lot on the baby's basic needs eh.

But sige, now I will admit that when I was still pregnant, I was so afraid of buying so much for the baby for the fear of "jinx." I remember that when my friend Mels was pregnant with her second child, she told me that she didn't want to post so much on Facebook about her pregnancy because something might happen to the baby. I felt the same way. Ayokong magpaka-OA agad when it comes to Chicklet. I was so praning talaga that time.

I kept on telling myself that had I been in the Philippines during my pregnancy, I would have enjoyed it so much. I can buy everything I want, have my pictures taken every day, experience a baby shower, have somebody else to take Nathan's pictures and videos after I gave birth, etc. My mistake is not contextualizing my pregnancy here in Edmonton. I should have planned and acted based on our current situation.

Hay, regrets regrets. But I guess I've learned my lessons now. My son is already 2 1/2 months old and I realized that I couldn't bring back time. Sadly, I can no longer take a good picture of his one-month self. I realized that I am dealing with a human being now, hindi ko puwedeng i-delay ang mga puwede kong gawin. I need to plan ahead. And I have to enjoy my every moment with him kasi hindi siya bata forever. I am lucky because I am given the chance to be with him 24/7. I should be grateful.

Kung ako ang masusunod, si Nathan na siguro ang only baby ko. But if we'll be gifted with another bundle of joy, alam ko na ang gagawin ko.

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Nathan Anak, I am so sorry for all my shortcomings. I know that I am not that bad in terms of mothering you but I feel that I could do more, could have done more. I am not sure what will you like or be like in the future that is why I want to do everything for you now, para akong regrets kung sakali. Promise, mommy will make it up to you.

Nathan's first shots

As per the nurse's instruction, I booked Nathan's first immunization last November 19, 2014 pa. Ang unang bakuna pala dito ay ginagawa on the baby's second month. We were scheduled to come to the Public Health Center on January 22, 2015.

Hindi lang si Chicklet and babakunahan. According to Nurse Cindy (who visited me at home after I gave birth), I also need to get vaccinated because they found out daw in one of my blood tests (done during pregnancy) that I am not immune to "something." Sorry, I couldn't remember anymore the exact term. Even Ford needs some vaccination, too. I really appreciate their concern for our health. Ang ganda talaga ng health care system dito sa Canada.

January 22, 2015 (Thursday). I feel bad whenever I/we have to go to the doctor/clinic/hospital on weekdays because Ford has to either be late or leave the office early to accompany us. Nathan and I are so immobile without him. I am worried na baka mapagalitan siya sa work o mapagsabihan na abusado. Although I know na hindi naman (their office can't afford to lose him and he is being paid on a fixed monthly income, not hourly), I still wish na sana hindi na namin siya maistorbo. Kaso wala namang choice. We need a car and a driver to move around Edmonton. I've been assured din naman na "normal" lang dito sa Canada ang pag-absent o pag-undertime when it comes to health concerns. In the first place, by appointment system ang lahat. May mga schedules na hindi pwede sa weekend o gabi, halimbawa.

Anyway, Ford' home a few minutes before 4pm to pick us up. Our schedule is at 5:00 pm but we have to be there at 4:45 pm for the baby's weighing.

Ford said we could leave a bit later since malapit lang naman ang clinic. I insisted na umalis na kami agad because I do not want to be late. Ayokong mag-penalty at ayokong magpa-reschedule na naman.

True enough, the West Jasper Place Public Health Centre is just about 10 minutes from our house. We were there at around 4:20 pm. I am getting used to this, 10 to 15 minutes travel time. In the Philippines, we usually allot an hour or two papunta sa destination namin kahit malapit lang kasi sobrang traffic. A lot of time wasted on the road.

And because we were there "early" (but not that early naman in my standards), the receptionist told me: "But you know that the nurse can only get to you at 5:00pm, right?" Haha, time is so precious here!

We first had Nathan weighed. His weight as of last Thursday was 12 lbs 13 oz 9 (or 5.82 kgs) and height was 59 cm.  His head circumference was 40 cm.

We had to wait for a few more minutes before we were called in. Nagutom na si Nathan, Daddy Pod had to fed him. I am so proud of my husband, he is a hands-on dad. Very patient to his son.

Soon we were inside one of the rooms in the Clinic. It wasn't just a simple turok-agad session. The nurse asked me how we are. She gave us some "lectures" again on taking care of the baby. She explained to us all the vaccines that will be given to us. She also handed me a thick book on parenting (from Alberta Health Services) and a "Welcome Baby" Package from Edmonton Public Library.  Nakakatuwa talaga dito sa Canada, first world treatment talaga ang natatanggap ng citizens and residents. Sulit talaga ang taxes na binabayaran.

I had to take a picture of this chart. I need to know how my son's development is faring.

The nurse asked me if I want to get the flu shot as well. I refused, sabi ko sa susunod na lang. Two shots are enough for a day. I was surprised though that my husband agreed. Eh isa pang duwag yun. Para isang puntahan na lang daw. He was trying to convince me but I was scared. I've heard of people getting "sick" after having flu shots. We cannot afford to both get sick, kawawa si Nathan.

I was the first to get vaccinated. Despite my horrible and painful experiences in pregnancy and child birth, I was still scared. Kung tutuusin ay sisiw na lang yung sa pinagdaanan ko haha! The nurse was very kind, she made me feel comfortable.

After Ford got his three shots, it was Nathan's turn. I was so scared. It was Ford who handled him. Deep inside, I was crying. A baby doesn't deserve any pain. But it's for his good naman.

The little boy cried so hard, to the heartbreak of his mother. Three injections pa ang ginawa. If only I could take the pain for him. Ganun pala talaga ang nanay.

Buti na lang he got easily pacified by the chime. We mentally took note of that. Kailangan pala ng tunog-tunog para ma-pacify ang baby.

I didn't know that children are getting their shots on their legs. My poor little boy was so red.

We were told by the nurse to wait in the lounge for fifteen minutes to see if we experience immediate side effects from our shots. Thankfully, wala naman.

Before I forget, the nurse noticed that our car seat has a 'wrapped' blanket. She reminded us that we can get a 'ticket' for that kapag nakita kami ng police (ganun pala dito, naniniket ang pulis kahit tungkol sa car seat). Dapat daw walang ibang sapin sa likod ang car seat because it isn't tested for safety yet. Ewan nga daw ba niya kung bakit may nagbebenta pa ng ganun gayung bawal naman.

We find it weird though because the nurse at the Misericordia Hospital who inspected our car seat before we were allowed to go home didn't say anything naman. Oh well, sinunod na lang namin ang nurse sa Jasper. We removed na the blanket. Kailangan nga lang next time ay may jacket na si Nathan kapag nilabas namin.

Our next immunization is scheduled on March 19. Yep, may take two pa ang measles-mumps-rubella vaccination namin ni Ford.

Nathan's Record:

Ford and I's record:

I guess it will be best if we don't travel before Nathan gets all the shots. My original plan is to go home in Pinas this end of March but I realized na importanteng matapos muna lahat ng bakuna ni Nathan (hanggang six months old siya). Alanganin kung sa Pilipinas ko pa ipapatuloy ang bakuna, aside from mahal (I don't want to pay for health services anymore haha!), iba rin kasi ang sistema ng immunization doon. Baka magulo lang.