Someday...

I saw this picture when I looked for some wedding photos that I'll post for our 4th wedding anniversary. It was actually just taken last July 2012 in Jasper (also here in Alberta). Ford and I were newly married and I came here in Canada for a six-week visit.

Seeing this picture made me realize that there are lots of things that I cannot do now. Traveling is one.

I have to admit that I've been depressed lately. You see, my life at this moment is clearly non-enviable. All I do everyday is take care of Nathan. Not that I am complaining. I know that I am privileged to have the chance to be with my son all the time, that we can still afford to live here comfortably despite my not working. But I've really never imagined myself being in this situation ever.

You see, I am like a prisoner in my own home. It's winter time so Nathan and I couldn't go out without my husband. Unfortunately, Ford accepted a part-time job when we were in the Philippines (because of boredom) and I couldn't anymore convince him to quit. He works until 10pm on weekdays (he requested for a MWF schedule but it has yet to be put into effect). So from Monday to Friday, I spend 12 hours watching over Nathan and the remaining hours doing house chores (and sleeping). I hardly have time to do craft or blog. Weekends are busy as well. We have to squeeze all our errands and other chores into two days.

I am not a domestic type. I really am not happy with just staying home. I am just doing it because I have to. Because we are in Canada. That's probably the reason why I am still half-hearted in living here. Life in the Philippines is so much easier, domestic-wise. Plus I have mobility there.

Here in Canada, I am fully dependent on my husband. On everything. Whatever happened to the independent and smart Ces?

This is not me. A lot of people used to look up to me, including my husband. I was this pretty (and sexy) UP Professor who's got so much potential. Everyone admired me. Ngayon ako na lang si Ces na asa sa asawa. Napag-iiwanan na ako, yun ang totoo.

When I am feeling bad, I always reason that my life 'deteriorated' because I am now in Canada. Totoo rin naman. I have a one-year old child that I need to take care of. Most mothers here with young children stay at home. Pero sino bang niloloko ko? I have chosen the path of laziness and complacency kaya ganito ako ngayon.

I know that my life has to change or our family life would suffer. I can't be a good wife and mother if I am not happy.

Yesterday, I told Ford that I want to get a driver's license already. It's my first step toward independence. I have to overcome my fear of driving here. Haler, I've been driving in Manila since I was 18, how difficult could driving here be? 

I will be living in Canada for the rest of my life so I better be good. I better stop using motherhood as an excuse for a lousy lifestyle. I am only 36, I can still do so much more.

And oh, I WILL TRAVEL AGAIN. Someday. Hopefully soon. (I have to keep this in mind for extra drive. But of course, I will bring the husband and the son with me!).

4th Wedding Anniversary

Today we celebrate our fourth wedding anniversary.

January 12, 2012 -- Nuestra Senora de Gracia Parish Church (Makati City)

Almost nine years of being bf-gf and 4 years of being married to each other, oh I could say that we really have gone far.

My husband is a very kind and patient man so I give him all the credit. He's my pillar of strength and I owe everything to him. I couldn't imagine being with someone else.

I love you, Dear Husband. This feeling gets stronger everyday.

Back in Winter Wonderland

Hello! I actually can't believe it, we've been back for three weeks already -- and I only got to blog now!

Picture taken last December 12, 2015

As expected, we are still in the adjustment phase. Nathan and I stayed in the Philippines for four and a half months so we kinda got used to life there.

Nathan is very difficult to handle now. Ever since we came back, he's been extra clingy to 'momma.' He only wants to be with me to the point that I can no longer do anything aside from taking care of him. And although he's already close again to 'dadda,' he still couldn't go anywhere nor sleep without me. Haist!

Oh well, enough of my "complaints." Basta super happy na rin ako because at least I am back in winter wonderland. Promise, I love love love the cold! Ayoko na talaga ng weather sa Pilipinas.

O siya, basta I will find time to blog -- that's one of my new year's resolutions. Please bear with me.

One week to go!

Whoaah! I couldn't believe it, Nathan's barnyard bash will be happening in a week!

As usual, I am in cramming mode. I've sort of lost my momentum in party preparation the past days because Nathan got diarrhea. Thankfully, he's fine now.

Ford is arriving next Friday and I am so excited. My Superman is coming and I'll get rescued! Kung alam nyo lang ang pinagdaanan ko the most months, you'll surely understand why I badly need my husband by my side now.

Anyway, I am choosing to forego all the negativity (at least for now) and concentrate on Nathan's party. Wish me luck!

Death of a brother

I only have one brother, a kuya. I've loved him so dearly.

But he died today.

Not literally though.

I hate any negativity on this blog. But I just have to post this to remember the day that I am now without a sibling.

Sadness envelopes my life at this point. But I am choosing to move forward.

Hello from the Philippines!

Hello! Hello! We're still alive!

Sorry if it appears that I neglected this blog. You see, my greatest mistake in coming here in Pinas for a long vacation is not bringing my own laptop. I thought I could use the old one that I left here but for some reason, it's just not here anymore. Right now, I am just using Ford's old netbook (that he dumped onto me in 2012) and it's sooooo slow!

Anyway, I'll be back in Edmonton in less than a month and I am hoping that I could blog often again (is that possible if you have a very active toddler?)

Whew, Nathan's first birthday is fast-approaching and I am in toxic mode. But we are very excited of course!

Oh, here he is now! So cute, I know!

Oops, I've got to go back to party preps.You'll hear from me again soon!

Random Chika # 3

1. Dinner at Pinoy Grill. We went to Walmart yesterday to buy some more stuff that we need in the Philippines. Then we had dinner at Pinoy Grill because Ford was craving for bulalo and crispy pata. As expected, the food was so-so and we paid $35 I think. The husband didn't give a tip anymore, hindi naman masyadong ok ang service eh.

2. Benadryl for Nathan. Please do not judge us, but after so much contemplation, nag-decide na kaming painumin si Nathan ng Benadryl para sa flight namin sa Pinas (pumayag din naman ang pedia niya). At 7 3/4 months, our son is overly active. Hindi ko talaga kakayanin kung hindi siya matutulog nang maayos kahit ilang oras lang. Vancouver to Manila alone is already 14 hours, eh yung Edmonton to Vancouver pa plus yung layover?

We had a test run last night and effective siya! Around 40 minutes after taking it, tulog na.

By the way, I am happy because I got to use my Benadryl coupon! From $8.99, naging $6.99 na lang (plus 5% tax).

NOTE: Sorry, Nathan. We will try not to do this again. Ngayong uwi lang talaga natin kasi hindi kaya ng Mommy. =(

3.  A Retirement Home in Pinas. I was surprised when I saw my aunt's new house in Pinas. Whoaah, it's so big! She and her husband are US citizens and have been living there for decades now. They retired last year and decided to build a house in Pinas, para raw may matutuluyan sila kapag umuuwi sila.

They must really have lots of money! Hmm, ano kaya ang gagawin nila sa napakalaking bahay na ito? Their four children are busy with their lives at hindi naman bumibisita sa Pinas. Wala na rin kaming kamag-anak sa Malolos because almost everybody's in North America na. Oh well, it's their money to spend hehe!

Picture taken from a relative's Facebook account 

4. Little Ceasars Pizza. Pod and I were hungry last Saturday (late) night at wala na kaming maisip kainin kundi pizza. He wanted to buy cheese-stuffed crust pizza sana from Pizza Hut but I objected. $22+ kasi at namamahalan ako. Sa Little Ceasars kami bumagsak. First time kong makakain nito, very ordinary lang ang lasa. Sabagay, what can you expect from $8+ lol! 

5.  Dresses for Girls. It's so exciting to buy gifts for girls, ang dami kasing choices! Sa damit pa lang, nakakaaliw ng mamili. Since it's summer, I chose some florals (mahilig naman talaga ako sa flowery things hehe). 

I always buy at Gap Outlet. Super mura kasi talaga. 

6. Sofia Paper Bag. I found this super cute paper bag at Dollarama. Pero tama ang instinct ko, dapat hindi na ito ang binili ko. Kasi naman may kapareho sa pinagbigyan ko. Nakakahiya tuloy! =(